I'm gonna do this thing where, instead of tweeting thoughts on RAW, I'm going to write them here. Use this space for something meaningful. Get some traffic going.
-Is this intro a new remix? I know it's the same song, but it sounds different. Extended or something.
-I had this whole huge thing typed up about The Authority angle, but it wasn't anything that hasn't been said. So I deleted it. And then rewrote it. And deleted it. And that went on for a bit. What gets to me the most, is the laziness. It's just half-assed writing. If that. Quarter-assed writing. It's the exact same kinda shit that helped kill WCW and has held back TNA (or it did when I still watched it five years ago). It's slapdash. And it reeks of keeping certain people in positions of prominence, another thing that was an issue for WCW and TNA. I didn't realize it until I just wrote that, but... huh. Perhaps that's what bugs me most about WWE this past year, especially over the past few months. They're treading dangerously toward the kind of awfulness that ruined their competitors.
-Oh sweet Jesus. Even as a joke, John Cena Appreciation Night makes me want to cry.
-Is Ziggler facing Barrett supposed to be bad? I can't tell if this is legitimately fair and his "clean slate" speech is true, or if it was supposed to be him being a heinous dick and outright lying. Because that match is totally legit. Completely fair, and Ziggler's a fighting champion. Unless there are shenanigans during, which could happen, I don't see the evil.
-FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER! (on Monday Night RAW)
-Cool. New ring announcer. Is she from NXT?
-Whoa. Weird finish. Or, surprising finish, at least. And guess we'll cement Barrett as a heel. And there we go. Shenanigans. So we're just back to the same ol' shit. Sure. Not even one match can go smooth to make me believe the lie. Just gonna put it out front. It's all so damn... lazy.
-Damn. I hate to compliment Cole, but with Booker out there to help, he's not a terrible commentator. Weird thing is, I don't think it's Lawler that brings the team down. This makes me believe it's Cole. He just forms to the people around him. Lawler and JBL are jokesters. So Cole is a jokester. But none of them are amusing. Booker out here focusing on the wrestling, and now so is Cole.
-I feel like I might like this match more if it wasn't 2 out of 3 Falls. If this was just resilient Ziggler, could be a good match. But shenanigans sort of ruin it for me. I'll never get tired of watching good matches. That's the whole point of watching. But the screwiness I've seen a hundred times. I could do without the screwiness sometimes.
-That there Ascension promo is the opposite of good. I don't hate The Fall of Man, as a move, but couldn't we do something more impressive with a dude the size of Connor. Konnor? I could check. I won't. And why does JBL, (former?) NXT GM, hate every single person from NXT.
-I'm saddened that I don't care about Reigns. I should. I want to. But I was tired of him before The Shield split. No one has embraced the his "5 Moves of Doom" as quick as Reigns. It took that apron dropkick, what, two weeks? I think the Superman Punch was the same. And those moves... The dropkick I hate like I hate Orton's DDT. It looks cool as fuck, but it's such a specific setup that the whole thing becomes ridiculous when it's happening each week. In the dozens of matches that happen each week, no one else falls into those setup positions. Odds are so insignificant that, somehow, Reigns' (or Orton's) opponents happen to fall into those exact scenarios every single time. The Superman Punch has a similar problem. It's the setup. There's no difference between the required positions and setup for the Punch and the Spear. So shouldn't he do the Spear every time instead?
-More shenanigans. Damn. Show's bump with the stairs looked kinda rough.
-The commercials for Smackdown moving to Thursdays are the most entertaining piece of anything WWE has put out in months. If everything they did was as amusing and as true to character as these commercials, I'd have little to complain about.
-So does Brie pull another swerve and go face again when Bryan comes back? I never caught the explanation for her heel turn.
-What is Paige doing out here? Did they explain that and I missed it? Is it random Divas bullshit where everyone is friends whenever it's convenient?
-Look, I get it. I love HBK, too. And it sounds cool when you slap your leg. But perhaps some people should stop doing the superkick. Because right now, everyone is doing the superkick.
-I still don't get the Wyatts thing. They were doing the vignettes before with Bray. Then everyone comes back solo. Bray doesn't seem like the type of fella to release his followers, nor does he seem like the type to just let people run off. So... I dunno. One of them weird holes.
-Whoa I never noticed that Luke Harper Titantron before. Yikes.
-Oh look. More shenanigans. This is the thing. I stopped watching RAW for a month. Between Survivor Series and TLC, all I watched was NXT. And I missed nothing. Nothing has changed. Nothing is new. It shouldn't be like this. I should feel like I missed something. I should want to go back and catch up. Instead, I'm just glad this match was short.
-Jericho's hair.
-I forgot to mention it earlier, but good thing they reminded me about the title threat.I don't think adding Rollins makes me care more. With it did.
-Did Cameron just come to help Naomi? Sigh.
-"It's about to get hot up in here," Booker said. He looked across the table at the plastic face of his broadcast partner John, the painted smile so believable, if not for the cold, unblinking eyes that stared back. John laughed. A quiet chuckle with an uncomfortable undercurrent. As if the thoughts behind the laugh were too profane, too inappropriate, to share and he knew it. Booker chuckled louder. His telepathic abilities allowed him to see Plastic John's perverse imaginings. But Booker was not laughing at those. He was laughing at his own thoughts, far more lurid and fantastical than something a robot, even one so convincing as John, could conjure.
-Ambulance Match. I'm gonna lean toward good, but not great, with a stupid finish. You know, classic RAW. Let's see how it goes.
-I find it difficult to believe that ambulances are equipped with folding tables. Multiple folding tables. With crosses painted on them. So as to not get them confused with all the other folding tables one might find just... around. At... places.
-Now a chair. This seems less like an ambulance and more like a party supply van.
-I think it's the paint that's bugging me. It could've just been an ambulance full of wrestling weapon stuffs. Which I'd still bitch about. But the paint, as if to suggest it somehow belongs in the ambulance... that's too far.
-Was that a "This is Awesome!" chant? A small one. But still. How low have our standards become?
-Ambrose and that damn elbow.
-Gonna have to give a questioning look to this "This is Awesome!" chant as well. The elbow was cool. But I've seen it before. A few times. Not quite so awesome now.
-It's weird. I wanted Bray to win when The Wyatts first debuted. I felt it was important to further him, and the group, as a force to be reckoned with. I thought he needed to be established as a threat. And that never happened. And I stopped caring. So, of course, now he's winning.
-I don't get HHH. As a character. I feel like he's supposed to be the cool heel. The heel I don't want to like but kinda do. Except I don't. So is that what the character's supposed to be? Or is that what HE thinks he is, and we're supposed to just straight hate him? It's muddled. His whole presentation feels confused. On the other hand, Stephanie, clear cut heel. No question. I'm supposed to hate her. Except she's so damn good, she seems to be having so much damn fun doing it... that I love her. Conclusion: Stephanie is far better at this than Hunter.
-I can't think of another era when the Divas division had this much talent. Not even counting the NXT women that haven't been called up. Just with the women on the main roster, this might be the most stacked roster of women they've ever had. And 90% of their stories are Total Divas bullshit. Which, yeah, sell the show and make your money. But they could be doing so much more with that division. So much more.
-Heh. "Us-No." I like Miz. Not even ashamed.
-Was that supposed to be a collision? Like he knocks Naomi off? Or was that finish the intention? He gets confused. Why are all these Miz(dow)/Usos finishes weird and confusing?
-This doesn't make sense. Why would they handicap Rollins? I thought he was their boy. At least give him a fighting chance to beat Ryback.
-"Sting showed up!" In November. With no obvious motive. And now, thanks to Cena last week, his interference is meaningless. His one appearance, ever, in the WWE was pointless. What possible reason would I have to care about Sting?
-Kane is damn excited about this win. Perhaps he's just excited about any win.
-Feels like this New Day entrance is a little flat. First time I'm seeing it, though.
-Oh shit. They did The Cunninghams. That's not cool.
-I don't even care about this ending. I can't even muster enough care to type anything clever. It's just... exactly what I would expect. And then all those dudes just standing in the ring, not doing anything? Seriously? No one cares about losing their job? Whatever.
-Stephanie loves to dance.
