Christopher Nolan Hates Batman

Avast, ye mateys, there be spoilers ahead.

So after the last blog, it seems appropriate to address The Dark Knight Rises now that I've seen it. Interestingly, some of the things I mentioned were incorporated. Some of them, sadly, were not.

Christopher Nolan's Batman might be the dumbest fucking superhero to ever grace a movie screen.  I'm even willing to consider characters such as Blankman as superheroes just to illustrate how absurdly stupid Batman is in The Dark Knight Rises.

I can't decide which part of this film I find more surprising. The blatant disregard Christopher Nolan has for the character of Batman, or the blind love with which people seem to be embracing this Batman. Even people that I know are Batman fans. Comic book fans.

Before I get too far, I want to make clear that I liked this movie. I think it was a great movie, in most respects. It has some fantastic characters, crafted with depth and care. It manages to give multiple nods to the source material (the Batman comics) while still maintaining that real world vision that Nolan has created for this series. It fulfills the scope of the films so far and delivers, as most all critics have said, a fitting end to the series.

I don't have a problem with that. All I have a problem with is Batman, (and his absurd lack of a secret identity in this movie). But before I rant on and on about that, I want to point out some of the cool things I liked about The Dark Knight Rises.

Bane is a badass. Now I've complained time and again how Joker was, while an awesome character, a terrible villain in The Dark Knight. He comes off far more as an anti-hero (just check the number of posters and t-shirts you've seen of Heath Ledger's Joker compared to Christian Bale's Batman) than a proper villain. This Bane fella, though... now that's a villain. And one that, for the most part, is a fair representation of his counterpart in the comics. Of course he isn't as physically intimidating, but I'm willing to sacrifice that. Tom Hardy is still a big, intimidating dude. He's just not ridiculous comic book big. I'm cool with that.

I'll admit that I hated the mask when I first saw pics awhile back. It's grown on me since, and I liked the filter used on his voice for the film. Had a Darth Vader thing going on there, which I support. In the comics, Bane is an intelligent, physically frightening individual. He is just the same in this movie. Now there could be some arguing made as to whether the plot was his or Talia's, but the vast majority of the movie pushes that this was all Bane's doing. So he's an evil mastermind who can more than hold his own in a fight. He snaps Batman over his knee and takes over Gotham. All of this is more or less in line with what happened in Knightfall. Nolan even came up with an acceptable back story for the mask. This deviates far from the comics origin, but it works to ground the mask in this world he created. And it does give a mild relation to the comics, (Bane's constant use of a drug to keep going). As movie adaptations go, this is a solid transfer of both a character and a storyline.

The thing I most dig about Bane is that he never doubts. From the first scene on the plane, for the next two hours or so (right up until Batman returns from The Pit), Bane is absolutely confident his plan will succeed. It's not a matter of faith or cockiness. It is a matter of fact. The manner in which he speaks. The manner in which he carries himself. It's all particular and well-placed and even. He's not a lunatic or a madman. He's just a man fulfilling a well-crafted plan. He never once doubts the outcome. This, to me, is more frightening than a villain like the Joker. With the Joker, anything could happen. Even the Joker didn't know what it would be. He's dangerous because he's unpredictable. Bane knows exactly what will happen. He knows what will happen is exactly what he has planned. He knows that nothing you do will change that, because he knew what you were going to do before you did it. He accounted for your actions as part of his plan. That's terrifying. You can punch a dude like the Joker and stop him. Bane predicted you would punch him. He counted on it. He wants you to. It's a part of the plan. You can't stop that.

So Bane was cool. And Catwoman was, too. The portrayal of Selina Kyle/Catwoman was marvelously done to ride that fine line between friend and foe that has become so iconic in the books. She's not just a villain. In this movie she even seems to have proper motivation. Or at least one we can relate to. She's got the same spirit and fire that we've seen in most incarnations of Catwoman. The sex appeal isn't overdone here. Yeah, I know, she's wearing a skin tight suit for 80% of the movie... but at least it doesn't have a zipper half unzipped threatening to spill her tits out. I mean, all things considered, this is a less sexed up Catwoman, which is nice. And the visor pushed up to make wears worked surprisingly well. I didn't like the idea at first, but seeing it in action works. The thoughtful inclusion of "ears" that still make sense within this world is a nice touch.Catwoman has a couple of those. The addition of Holly as a pseudo-sidekick. The usefulness of her heels, which is still ridiculous, but at least warrants a bad reason for wearing them other than to look good. All of it works to stay true to a comic book character while still finding a plausible representation of that character in this universe.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt was, as always, damn good. I'll probably be arguing that his character was the true hero of this film, (similar to my argument for Joker as the hero of The Dark Knight). Now we can quibble about whether a kid who sees Bruce Wayne's angry face would figure out he was Batman, but hey... whatever. It doesn't bother me that much, (for another reason I'll get to later). So this dude named Blake figured out who Batman is, (I'd like to note that Tim Drake also figured out who Batman is. I assume the name resemblance was not coincidence.) and believes in the cause. He's a strange mirror of Batman himself, an orphan who grew up to fight crime (in this case, as a cop). JGL is good in damn near everything, something that my friend and I have been telling anyone who will listen since we watched Brick. So no surprise, he's good in this, too. His arc is not new (good cop in a bad town), but it's done well and convincing and I really believe that Blake is trying to do the right thing. Even more than Batman, most of the time.

That's the new characters, right? I'm not going to bother talking about Miranda/Talia since she has no real development until the last fifteen minutes or so. I will point out the nice touch of having Talia and Bruce Wayne hook up (another nod to the comics), even if it didn't entirely seem to fit.

So there's all the good stuff. Christopher Nolan introduces a bunch of new characters and uses them to fulfill a rather grand and exciting plot (albeit with a few small holes). Overall, this is great stuff. I liked the movie. I'll watch it again. It stands as my favorite of this trilogy. That all said, the greatest downfall of The Dark Knight Rises, and the series as a whole, has been Batman. He's a fucking tool.

Batman is known, in the comics, as The World's Greatest Detective. WORLD'S. GREATEST. DETECTIVE. As I mentioned last time, this is what I love about Batman. He's smart. He's one of the smartest people on the planet. The reason Batman is so intimidating, the reason he's such a great superhero and enduring character, is because he's so gods damned smart. If people loved Batman just because he punched stuff, he'd be no more popular or beloved than the Hulk. If people loved Batman because he knows martial arts, than all the kids would be dressing up as Shang-Chi for Halloween. The thing that makes Batman awesome is that he's super intelligent AND super badass. I could sit here and list off a dozen other superheroes that have one of those aspects and aren't near as popular. Hell, you probably wouldn't even know half of them. Seriously, take a vote... who knows Hank Pym? How about Mister Terrific?

Now I'm even going to ignore the fact that the Batman in Nolan's movies is kind of a terrible fighter. These movies aren't about fight scenes, so the fact that they're not amazing is of no consequence. What matters is that Nolan's Batman is a fighter. He has that half of the persona covered. And then makes up for the other half (the intelligent half), with more fighting. So let's take a moment to look at just how stupid this Batman is.

The Dark Knight Rises takes place eight years after the death of Harvey Dent. So the last time we saw Batman was the last time anyone in Gotham saw Batman. And that was with him fleeing the scene of a crime. You know, running. On two good legs.

Since then, Bruce Wayne has become a crazed hermit. People spread strange rumors about what it is he does in this giant mansion all alone. As the movie progresses, we find that Wayne Enterprises is failing because of Bruce's general neglect of the world (and his refusal to use this fission reactor thing for clean energy). A lot of the charities and things he used to fund have stopped getting funded. The movie itself is telling us that Bruce Wayne is not smart enough to run his own company or manage his own money. Regardless of the reason, negligence or sorrow or whatever, this man has let  his name and legacy just fall into the mud. He is risking the jobs of hundreds of Wayne Enterprises employees by not doing his. And if all that isn't enough, he later hands a relative stranger the keys to his company in a moment of absolute desperation. These are terrible, horrid business decisions. For all intents and purposes, he is failing at all aspects of his life.

And he has a limp. I'm not sure when that happened (note the fleeing he did the last time we saw him), but OK, whatever. Selina steals his mother's necklace and Bruce does his ONE bit of detective work in the movie (you'll remember he shot some bullets into bricks in The Dark Knight as his one trick for that film) to figure out who she is. Shit goes down and Batman comes out of retirement to stop Bane (and track down Catwoman, it seems).

Now let me take a moment to go back to that whole John Blake knows who Batman is thing. Batman disappeared after the death of Harvey Dent. Has not been seen since. Around the same time, Bruce Wayne becomes a shut-in. He hasn't been seen or spoken to in more or less the same amount of time. Catwoman steals a necklace around the same time Bane appears (all according to Bane's plan, of course). Which means that Bruce Wayne figures he should get both his personas out there and figuring out what's up. Not only did Batman and Bruce Wayne disappear at around the same time, they suddenly reappear within the same week? I'm surprised that Blake and Bane are the only two people who figured this one out. It doesn't take a great deal of intelligence to at least see the amazing coincidence in that. It would at least make someone suspicious, I think.

So Batman has provided a good deal of circumstantial evidence as to his identity. The fact that Bruce Wayne and Batman both disappeared and reappeared at the same time might not be damning evidence... but it's suspicious enough that anyone willing could track down other coincidences, like Batman's original emergence not long after Bruce Wayne returned from years of wandering the globe, or the surprising amount of tech and gadgets that would cost millions of dollars to create/fund and the not so illogical jump that Wayne Enterprises is the only company in Gotham with those sorts of resources, and it's owner, the only guy with that kind of money, (a similar argument could be levied at the comics, too). There are a lot of little pieces that someone could use to put this puzzle together. And the re-emergence in this film is one of the biggest.

But let's ignore that, (for as much as we can without pointing out there's no valid reason for Bane to know who Batman is, unless through the League of Assassins, which even then is a stretch given that it didn't seem Ra's al Ghul told or had time to tell anyone, and he had excommunicated Bane from the League, and Talia could give a shit less about her father at the time so they probably weren't on speaking terms, either).

Bruce Wayne proceeds to do what he does best: delegate.

"Hey, Lucius. Good to see you. Look, I know I've been gone for like eight years and left you here hanging by your balls to run this company I'm letting sink... but you think you could show me some of that cool shit? You know, the 'spelunking' gear. We still have that, right? I might need some of it to do important hero shit. You're still good with running my almost bankrupt company, right? Dude. I know you would be. Thanks."

"Hey, Alfred. Look, could you, um... do some detective shit and find out who this Bane fella is? I mean, I'd do it myself, but he's obviously not a hot piece of ass like that maid that stole my mother's necklace. It took me two seconds to figure out who she is, and now that I know, I'm going to go stalk the fuck out of her with BOTH of my personalities. That's pretty much eating up all the free time I have. So just do me a solid and find out all you can about this Bane guy and get back to me."

Let me take a step back from Batman to look over at Iron Man. I'm going to bitch and complain about how Nolan's Batman is a fucking dumbass and not even kinda smart at all. But I want to do a short and simplified comparison of these two characters to illustrate this point.

Do me a quick favor and think about the Iron Man movies. We'll even throw The Avengers in there to make an even three films for each character. Think about the number of times you see Tony Stark in those movies. Not Iron Man, but Stark. When he's not doing superhero shit. Now think about the percentage of that time you see him either building shit or in a lab, presumably building shit. I would contend that at least half of his scenes take place in that workshop with him doing... something. I don't even need to know what it is. All I need is the premise that Tony Stark is a genius. Show me an instance where he uses that genius intellect once or twice. Then you just put him in a place where he could be doing things, and I'll make the leap that it's genius type shit for myself. For all I know, when Stark is on the helicarrier with Bruce Banner, he's adding songs to his iTunes playlist. But because I've been told Stark is a genius, and because I've seen him work a few times, my natural assumption is that he's doing genius shit in there. I don't even think they ever explain exactly what those two were doing in that room, but I never questioned it too much because I filled in the hole myself.

Now do the same thing for Batman. Think about the times you see Bruce Wayne. Now think about the number of times you see him doing ANYTHING in the Batcave. There is almost zero time spent in these films building Batman as a genius. As a detective. I point out the Iron Man films to make the simple point that it doesn't have to be time spent with him actually doing something. I think at least half the scenes of Tony Stark in his workshop are nothing more than him and Pepper talking. But because that's the setting, I naturally assume he was doing something before/after that scene. I fill in those blanks, whether true or not. Scenes in these Dark Knight films take place in various rooms of the mansion, or at restaurants. I make similar assumptions about before and after here, but I assume Bruce Wayne is eating or sleeping or something normal like that since he's in a rather normal setting.

All Bruce Wayne does is count on Lucius Fox. There's no creation or genius to what Bruce does. He looks at what's in a drawer or on a shelf, and he paints it black or cuts it into a bat shape. So back to the movie... Lucius gives him some new gear or whatever, mostly just the Batplane. Alfred does as asked and finds out all kinds of stuff about Bane. All sorts of bad stuff. He tells Bruce this bad stuff. He tells Bruce that he can't win this fight. Hell, Alfred even fucking quits because he so greatly believes that Batman cannot defeat Bane (Fun Fact: 90% of Michael Caine's scenes in this movie require tears).

Which all leads to an amazingly grand moment of stupidity. Batman convinces Catwoman to show him where Bane is hiding. Now since I asked for Batman to learn to trust people in the last blog, it feels cheap to call it out here. But this is sort of a blind trust. I mean, she's a criminal with a questionable moral code (he had to stop her from shooting people). Batman should have suspected the possibility of a double-cross, at least. From what he knows of Bane so far, he should be cautious enough to consider that she's been bought or brainwashed or whatever. But fine. Let's go with the idea that Batman trusts and believes Catwoman and it's a true surprise when she turns on him, (it might have also been part of Batman's plan the whole time).

Batman is locked in a cage with a man he knows little about other than what Alfred told him. And nothing Alfred told him was good. Alfred, who was so sure Batman could not defeat this man, that he quit and left for who knows where. Bruce's only friend and family, left because he so feared the power of  a single man. Batman is locked in this man's base of operations. A large man with a reputation for being a merciless killer. A man who is walking incredibly casually in Batman's direction. This dude is not intimidated or frightened by Batman in the least. Bane does not give a single fuck about Batman. Batman, who has that bum leg that he fixed with some sort of robotic knee brace. Batman, who has not been in a fight or done any superheroing for eight years before this week. Here he is, staring down this monster, who... holy shit, uses his real name. Not only is this an intimidating, powerful enemy, but he knows who Batman is. He know the one secret Batman has tried so "carefully" to hide. Batman is outed. An older, injured, out-of-practice and now identity known Batman against a younger, more ruthless, and unidentifiable mercenary in the mercenary's own camp, surrounded by the mercenary's own men... and Batman's idea is to punch him.

His first idea is to FUCKING PUNCH HIM. His ONLY idea is to punch him. Batman's a gods damned ninja. Throw a smoke bomb or a batarang or... something. Nah. He just runs up and punches a bigger, younger, much more vicious monster. The fight is pretty one-sided. No surprise here. Bane beats the fuck out of Batman, and in that wonderful little nod to the comics, snaps Batman right over his knee. Batman had no plan or strategy here at all. He went down into the sewer looking for Bane, found him, and then proceeded to attack with all the mental faculties of a junior high school bully.

We can argue about whether he was really hoping Bane would kill him, but if he was, that's dumb, too. With Batman dead, Bane wins. He takes over Gotham or blows it up or whatever his plan is, (at this point Batman doesn't know and never made an attempt to find out). Thousands of people die, including Batman, and none of that brings back whoever it is Bruce is grieving for at this point.

So Bane dumps Batman in The Pit. Now this is where we take some leaps of faith. But I'm fine with them. I don't care that The Pit is in the middle of the desert and it makes zero sense for Bane to go there right in the middle of his plan, or for Batman to somehow magically get back to Gotham in time once he escapes. Whatever. I'm cool with all that. I'm even cool with the idea that Batman is able to train himself back from being almost paralyzed, in a prison cell, when he couldn't even fix a bum leg in eight years of having an entire Batcave at his disposal. None of that jumps out at me as odd. It facilitates a point, and it works, so I'm fine.

Here's the part that does bother me. While in The Pit, Bruce gets the down low on Bane. He's in a cell next to this doctor who knows all about Bane. So this doctor tells Bruce that Bane got his face fucked up by the other inmates. Like ripped to shit and barely holding together. Bane has to wear that mask full of drugs, (morphine, I think they said) to keep the pain from overwhelming him. Without that mask juicing him all the time, and holding his face together, I guess, Bane would just be a quivering sack of hurt in the corner. That's how bad the inmates of this prison fucked his face up. The doctor knows all this because he's the one who attempted to help Bane after the inmates ripped his mouth off, or whatever.

OK. So Bruce needs to escape the prison, at which point he hears a couple versions of this kid who escaped. All the pieces of the story put together come out something like this: A child was born to a pregnant woman who was thrown in The Pit. The mother died and the kid was sort of adopted by one of the inmates. For whatever reason, the inmates kept coming after this child, and this protector kept fending them off. So one day the kid climbs up and out of the pit while the protector fends off the hordes of prisoners trying to get the kid.

Bruce, in his genius, puts these two stories together, (and what little else he knows), to conclude that Bane was the child that escaped, and that Ra's al Ghul is the father. Is that so, Batman? Because if that was the case, HOW THE FUCK DID BANE'S FACE GET TORN TO SHIT?! The child had a protector who kept the kid from harm. This is mentioned a couple of times. The protector sacrificed him/herself to hold off the inmates while the child climbed up and out of the pit to safety. At which point in that story did the kid's face get ripped off? At which point was the kid mauled and attacked by all the inmates? Because I very clearly remember this continued mention of a bodyguard who kept that very thing from happening. In fact, it seemed to be a good motivation for the kid to escape the prison before getting caught by the inmates and having who knows what done.
  
This will also be the only time that I'll outright question Nolan's directing (which I generally enjoy). When these stories are told to Bruce, they're accompanied with flashback style scenes of the kid climbing out of The Pit. The kid whose face is perfectly fine. So even if the two stories were cohesive enough to hold together, (which they aren't), the movie itself points out the obvious flaw in these stories. If the doctor's stories are to be believed (and we are never given a reason not to believe them), then there is no possible way Bane could be the child. It just doesn't make sense.

But... sure. Nolan's Batman used his Jump to Conclusions mat to deduce this ridiculous notion and escapes the prison. Bruce travels back to Gotham with his dumbass assumption to save the day. He gets back to Gotham, gathers up his allies, and puts a "plan" in motion.

Now I get to make fun of the voice. We all know Christian Bale's Batman voice is a little ridiculous. But now Batman is back in Gotham, gathering up Catwoman and Blake for his push to take back the city. The two people who know his identity. And he's talking to them in Batman voice. I get it. He puts on the mask, he does the voice. It's part of the gimmick, and you never stop playing the gimmick. It just adds another layer of ridiculous to that voice when he's using it on people he doesn't even need to.

Moving on. The plan, so much as it is one, is to launch an assault on City Hall and Bane while Commissioner Gordon finds the bomb and keeps it from going boom. This plan requires Batman to do what he does best, blindly punch at people with no real strategy or tactic whatsoever. For real, you take everything about the last fight Batman had with Bane and you amplify it by an entire city. He doesn't just own the sewer now. He owns the city. He doesn't just have a band of rebels. He has an actual army of mercenaries and Gothamites. Not to mention that Batman still has that bum leg, plus had his gods damned back was broken and he spent the last three or four months in a prison. So his new plan to take down Bane is to start a riot, and then fucking punch him.

Batman has obviously grown and learned a lot since the last time he fought Bane...

He does better this time. He wins the fight with his knowledge about the mask. And OK, I'll even qualify that as a sound strategy. So Batman takes advantage of Bane and beats him down. And beats him. And beats him. And beats him. All while screaming at him to identify the person holding the detonator.

Let's backtrack a second. Remember when Bruce was in that prison for a few months? Yeah. Well all that time, Bane was saying that he had given the detonation device for the bomb to someone else. A random Gothamite. Everyone believed him, except for Jim Gordon, who points out the absolute absurdity of that statement. So Bane created this entire, elaborate plan with masterful precision... and then left its execution to some random schmuck from Gotham? The man who orchestrated complete control of the city is just giving up control to some dude? It sounds pretty dumb when you say it out loud. The kind of person who would organize this sort of carefully constructed and executed plot would not just give the detonator to a random dude. That kind of person would keep it. They would remain in control of the situation, as they have this entire time. So Gordon believes that Bane has the detonator on him. He convinces others of the same.

Batman, however, was unable to come to this conclusion himself and he didn't get the speech from Gordon. So despite what should be relatively obvious (Bane has the detonator), Batman just punches Bane for an hour screaming at him about who has it. Even if Bane had given it to someone, and at this point there is not much reason to think he had, what is punching going to do? Bane had his face ripped off and that didn't stop him. Everything he has done up to this point has shown him as a man of great confidence and conviction. Again, even if he had given the detonator away, how is this tactic supposed to be at all effective in getting that information? 

So Batman goes on punching and screaming for the entire lifespan of the average house fly, until he is almost literally stabbed in the back. This is where his dumbass conclusion gets him in trouble. Now I'm not saying he should have known Miranda was the true child or Ra's al Ghul. All I'm saying is it was obvious Bane was not the kid. With that knowledge in mind, Batman could have been a little more aware and cautious of his surroundings, as he would have expected the true child of al Ghul to reveal himself/herself at some point. Fortunately for the plot and the swerve, Batman is a fucking idiot. Punchy punch punch.

On the unfortunate side of being a comic book fan, I knew Miranda was going to end up being Talia. It was just a matter of when the reveal would come. I knew that the moment she actually had a second scene, and was apparently going to be a character of some import. The keen eye will also note her convenient timing and placement in multiple points of this film, as well as odd choices by Bane to help facilitate these points. I noticed them because I was watching. I knew she was Talia, so I kept a closer eye. I couldn't blame someone for not noticing. It was mostly subtle and well done. I do blame Batman for not noticing some of this, at least. He was in the scene a few times when it happened.

Fast forward to the end, (and we'll skip over the part where Batman just straight up shoots the driver of the truck hauling the bomb), where Batman is ready to sacrifice himself to save the city. In his final moment of stupidity, Batman drops a clue about his identity to Commissioner Gordon, and goes off to commit suicide. Of course we find out this was all a big ruse later, Bruce Wayne is alive and well and he's left his legacy there for Blake to take over.

We suspect that Blake will take over the mantle of the bat and become the new Batman. Possible he becomes Nightwing or Robin (though it seems a bit dumb to use your real name as your superhero identity). But let's assume he's taking over Batman. Jim Gordon knows who Batman is. And he knows he is dead. Bruce Wayne died saving Gotham City. Gordon went to his grave and everything. So at some point this new Batman is going to show up and Gordon's just supposed to trust him? He'll know it's not the same dude. And he might even figure out it's Blake, seeing as he worked with Blake quite a bit during the time of this movie. If nothing else, Blake's first few outings as Batman will be an extra pain in the ass until Gordon either trusts him or finds out who he is. Bruce actually made things way more difficult for Blake by revealing his identity to Gordon at the end of this. It seems like it would be easier for Gordon to just believe that Batman somehow survived the explosion.

And there it is. All the dumb shit (I'm sure there's more) that I could remember from The Dark Knight Rises. There is plenty more in both Batman Begins and The Dark Knight.

The amazing thing about this is how well everything else is done. The stuff with the League of Assassins and Ra's al Ghul, in both the first and third films, is solid. The Joker was an astoundingly great character. Bane was an amazing character. Catwoman was a great adaptation from comic to film. Jim Gordon was an amazing ally and character in the first two films, (he kinda sucks in this one). Michael Caine has always been spot-on, and I have always believed that, above all else, his Alfred loves and cares for Bruce Wayne. Even the created character of John Blake, or the adaptation of Daggett from the animated series... all of this is well done. These films are pretty damn good, and as much as possible, loyal to the spirit of the comics if not the exact stories. From Ken Watanabe looking like the more traditional Ra's al Ghul, to a joke about alligators in the sewers and Selina Kyle having a protege... as much possible Nolan respects, appreciates, and nods at the source material.

Except for when it comes to Batman. His Batman is a bumbling brute incapable of fending or helping himself. Overall, Nolan has presented us with a Batman that knows little more than punching people in the face, (ask the Joker). Bruce Wayne is a whiner and quitter and a spoiled brat who relies on those in his employ to do the research and hard work for him so he can go out and play with the toys they gave him.

When everything else is so good, how can his portrayal of Batman be so bad? How can the title character of these films be so far removed from his comic book counterpart, when every other character seems grounded and anchored by the same inherent ideals as their print origins?

The only logical conclusion I can come to is that Christopher Nolan hates Batman. In much the same way that Frank Miller hates the Green Lantern and portrays him as a fool, Nolan hates the Batman and has portrayed him as a fool. Yet he's done so in the context of otherwise excellent movies, which seems to make people blind to this blatant fact.

The Joker and Harvey Dent did a better job of cleaning up Gotham than Batman ever did. Gotham survived eight entire years without Batman's help and was actually in the best shape it could have been (before Bane showed up). John Blake was a better, more dedicated hero and detective than Batman. Lucius Fox is smarter and more business savvy. The fight scenes are notoriously sub-par in these films, and while that is not extremely important, is still undermines one of Batman's greatest assets: he's an amazing fighter. For a character who frequently resorts to violence first, his violence isn't even that impressive. His "scary" voice has become a joke unto itself. Everything about the Batman portrayed in Nolan's films is laughable and ridiculous.

Yet everyone seems to just go along with it. And not just go along, but actively praise. I read reviews where people commended Christian Bale's acting (not to say he's bad, but he's the worst of the main cast) and the growth of the Bruce Wayne character. Growth?! He went from punching Bane, to getting broken in half and coming back to PUNCH BANE MORE. There is no growth. Alfred keeps talking about how he's afraid Bruce just wants to die. Alfred leaves because he's afraid Bruce will do something reckless and kill himself. And at the end of the movie, he seemingly KILLS HIMSELF. Sure, it was a fraud, but I'm not sure faking his death is that much better.

I'm not attempting to demean these movies as a whole. I like them. They're good. It's a solid trilogy. I just question anyone who can seriously tell me with a straight face that they're good Batman movies. Or even the best superhero movies. These movies are an atrocious representation of Batman. The so-called hero is one of the least likable or memorable characters in at least two of the three movies.

The superhero in these films, Batman, is a selfish thug who leans on others to do the real work and quits when things get too hard.

I like these movies. I like Batman in most other media forms.

But I fucking hate the Batman in Christopher Nolan's movies, and I think he does, too.

The Batman Problem

Unsurprising news from SDCC about Marvel's upcoming slate of movies. The expected sequels for their big three and the long rumored announcement of the Ant-Man movie. The latter makes a lot of sense, as it gives them a chance to introduce Hank and Janet before the Avengers sequel. (Aside: I'm seriously pushing for an introduction of Carol Danvers to replace Coulson as the thread that pulls these movies together). There's also the oddball choice to do a Guardians of the Galaxy movie, (I am super digging the concept art they showed off). Guardians isn't a name that most people would recognize, so it feels a bit of a weird choice it first. It does give them a chance to do more with space and, I would assume, Thanos, before the next Avengers movie comes out. Plus, people will love the shit out of Rocket Raccoon.

I tweeted about this, (follow me), but it just seems absurd that Marvel has just announced their third super-team franchise (X-Men and Avengers being the first two), and DC is still struggling to figure out Justice League. Even more, Marvel announced five movies that will be coming out in the next couple of years. DC has Man of Steel and... that's it. So far, there hasn't even been a hint that Man of Steel will be more than a one-time thing. The one thing DC has going for it is the Batman franchise, and that is coming to an end this weekend. Sort of, anyway.

Now obviously I am writing this before seeing The Dark Knight Rises, but I came up with what seemed like an interesting idea for what's next. Christopher Nolan has given DC a gift with his Batman movies. He's delivered a well-crafted series that challenges, much to its success, the stereotypes and generalities of superhero movies. This Batman franchise is a far more "realistic" take on the existence of a vigilante hero. It works for this series. It works for Batman. It works for, and because of, Nolan. Take him out of the equation, and it stops working. Furthermore, this formula cannot be applied across the whole of the DCU. You can't take a character like Superman, the ever-do-well extraterrestrial with powers beyond imagination, and ground him in the same sort of real-world scenario as Nolan's Batman. Just the idea of Superman conflicts with the world that Nolan created. The greatest mistake DC could make is to attempt to duplicate what Nolan has done. Either with future versions of Batman, or with their other heroes (assuming other heroes even make it to a feature film).

It seems obvious that DC is going to continue Batman without Nolan. Those Batman movies are making bank like whoa, and it would just be stupid to not attempt to capitalize on that. Now, again, I don't know where Nolan's final Batman film leaves off. In the end, it doesn't matter. Whether Nolan kills Batman or leaves him on a desert island or sends him to the far ends of space... DC has to do another Batman movie. It is their only movie franchise with any traction and bankable credit. 

DC is faced with a couple of problems continuing the Batman franchise. I'm sure the idea of another reboot is at the top of their minds, but do we need that again? For as much as I enjoyed Amazing Spider-Man, I didn't need that reboot either. Nolan's movies have made Batman ridiculously popular. Everyone knows who Batman is. We don't need to be told again. Which brings us to problem number one.

How do you relaunch Batman without rehashing what was just done?

The second issue relies on the assumption that DC wants to make a Justice League movie. Considering there is mad dough to be made there, I'll just assume a JLA movie is in the tubes. Somewhere. At some point. Which brings us to problem number two.

How does Batman fit into the Justice League?

I think we've all come to a point where we accept Batman as a superhero and his inclusion in the Justice League as a given. But in all seriousness, why the fuck would Batman join the Justice League? Take what we know of Batman, especially as it has been presented to us in Nolan's franchise, and his membership makes zero sense.

Bruce Wayne is, for all intents and purposes, certifiable. Dude is a fucking nutjob. He is obsessed with cleaning up Gotham and making it a safer place to live. He's not obsessed with saving the world. He's not obsessed with being a hero. He's not promoting world peace or stopping criminals in Metropolis. He's protecting Gotham. Check out Batman Begins. He travels all around the world to learn how to become Batman. Learning to fight. Learning to be a ninja or whatever it is Ra's Al Ghul teaches him. He goes around the globe to learn all these skills so that he can go back to Gotham. If Batman was interested in saving the world, or interested in stopping crime in general, he could have done that anywhere. He could have done that in ANY of the places he traveled to. He did not. He went back to Gotham and he stayed in Gotham. After all, Bruce Wayne is loaded and could conceivably travel wherever he desired. Anywhere that had a problem with crime. Yet he stays in Gotham.

So here's this dude who is concerned with the well-being of Gotham above all else. He has dedicated his life, his very being, to this cause. To saving Gotham. You can't take a man with that kind of mindframe, and give a valid reason for him joining the Justice League. Even if you propose a threat of galactic proportions, and you convince me that Batman would care enough to help stop this threat (if the world burns, so does Gotham)... I still don't believe he would stay associated with this group. What purpose would Batman have with the Justice League after the immediate threat has been eliminated?

There is a third issue that does not concern Batman as much as it does this Justice League movie and other superhero movies that DC might want to make. Marvel has a GIANT lead on them and an established franchise (The Avengers) to work from. Thor, Captain America, Iron Man, Ant-Man, and possibly even the Guardians of the Galaxy movie, all tie back to The Avengers in one way or another. All of these movies are connected by something larger. DC might not want to, or might not be able to, catch up on this. It seems likely that a JLA movie will appear before individual features starring Wonder Woman, Flash, Aquaman, Martian Manhunter, Hawkman, or another Green Lantern movie surface. The singles will spin-off from the whole. But I still contend that DC has a chance to take what Marvel did and present it in an unexpected way that could feel fresh and new.

The solution to all of these problems is simple. The solution is Robin.

For reals. Not even kinda joking about that. I know Schumacher tried to do Robin and it was terrible. That might give some people concern. But I don't believe that Robin is terrible. And I don't believe that Robin doesn't work. Those movies were terrible. Those movies didn't work. Robin is just another cog in that horrid machine.

Let's look at the immediate future. Let's consider the continuation of the Batman franchise. DC could do something unexpected and different by NOT doing a reboot. As I mentioned, it's not necessary. We all know who Batman is. We all know what he does. I don't need to be reminded who Batman is. I need to be convinced that I care about this new Batman as much as people care about Nolan's Batman. I needed to be reminded of what Batman represents.

So I propose a film that establishes Batman. Not his origin, but his character. Show me a Batman living on the edge. A man so possessed with the idea of saving Gotham that he sees nothing else. There are often hints of this in the Nolan movies. But let's take a man who lives on the fine line between good and evil. This is where Batman is often most interesting.

Consider the villains Nolan has used for his Batman films. These are the villains that most represent what Batman could have become. What he still could, if he let go. Ra's al Ghul, Joker, and Bane are all very intelligent villains. I'm just lumping Bane in here based on what I know, but all three of them come up with elaborate plots to fulfill some crazed end or another.

Batman has to believe there is hope for Gotham, or he becomes these men. He has to believe there is good left in the people of Gotham, or he becomes these men. But he sees the worst of what Gotham has to offer. He lives in the dredges of Gotham's darkest corners. In the world where Batman exists, there is no hope. There is violence and suffering and greed. And no matter how often he stops it, it will rise again the next night. So show me a man who comes to the edge of this great chasm and stares into it every night. A man who lives only for the mission. He trusts no one else. He knows no one else. He loves no one else. He is wholly obsessed with his quest. He knows only Gotham. He loves only Gotham.

And then that man watches another suffer the same tragedy that he suffered. You can pull the story more or less straight out of the comics. Bruce Wayne goes to the circus to keep up appearances, and shit turns upside down. The dark element that Batman has worked so hard to eliminate appears, and it orphans another child. Just as it orphaned him. So Batman, feeling for another person more than he has since his parents died, takes in this orphan. He brings Dick Grayson into the fold. He trains Dick Grayson as he was taught.

But Dick is not Bruce. This kid becomes Robin and fights at the side of Batman, but he's not satisfied with just protecting Gotham. He's not obsessed with vengeance and justice in the same way Batman is. Here's a kid that comes in and wants to save the world. Not just Gotham, but the world. Here's a kid, naive maybe, as children often are, that believes they can do more. That takes what Batman believes in and amplifies it. Then what you have is a different mirror. Not a mirror of what Batman becomes if he falls. A mirror of what Batman becomes if he flies. If Batman embraces the ideals that he holds, the love that he holds, for Gotham and pushes it beyond the city limits. While the villains of Gotham are an example of the worst Batman could become, Robin is an example of what's best.

So now you have Batman who has to take care of this kid. He has to be more careful. More cautious. This isn't just about him now. He's brought this child into his world, and it's his responsibility to protect that child. He takes it upon himself to teach this child. And in doing so, he learns himself. He sees a new reflection, and it opens him to new possibilities.

I have often said, and continue to stand by the statement, that The Dark Knight is an atrocious Batman movie. It's a marvelous fucking Joker moving. Outstanding. And by its own merits, it's a damn good movie. I actually do really like it. But it fails in most all ways at being a good Batman movie.Very little of what makes Batman an enduring superhero is featured in that film. Hell, he almost quits being Batman all together. But the enduring parts of that movie have nothing to do with Batman. The circumstances and events that happen around Batman are what make that movie. Even in the end, Batman shoulders the burden of a crime that he didn't commit. The sacrifice is a heroic thing, of sorts, but even that is questionably loyal to the spirit of things I love about Batman.

I don't know what will happen with Bane, but I do fully expect to have gone through this entire Nolan trilogy without any real character development for Batman. Other than often wanting to and finally legitimately giving up (if my understanding of DKR is correct), Bruce Wayne has not changed since he first put on the suit.

What I have proposed is a movie that focuses on Batman. I didn't name a villain and I don't have a particular one in mind. The villain isn't important (this is something that all studios should think about when making a superhero movie). What's important is what happens to Batman. What we haven't seen in a movie yet is some interesting and compelling growth from that character. From Bruce Wayne. From Batman himself.

So I really do think, that if done right, a movie about Batman and Robin could be damn good. I think it would drive the franchise in a different direction. It would give the movies a legitimate reason for starting to veer from the dark and gritty Nolan universe, which is crucial to including Batman in the Justice League. I'm not asking for the bright colors and ridiculous world of Schumacher. Hell, I'm not even asking for the brooding and ridiculous world that Burton gave us. All I want is a Batman universe that takes a few steps away from Nolan and makes me believe that he can exist in the same world as Superman.

The people Batman loves die. The people he trusts fall into darkness (Dent) or are forced to turn against him (Gordon). Batman has learned to become paranoid. He has learned to do things on his own. He has learned to trust only himself, because everyone has turned. So you take a man like that, and you give him one person that doesn't. One person that he can rely on and care about. A person that will return  his loyalty. That opens up doors for Batman to trust again. That opens up the opportunity to introduce more characters that he can trust.

You can introduce Barbara Gordon now. You can introduce Tim Drake. You can even introduce Talia al Ghul as a love interest (which leads us, of course, to Damien). There are lots of things that can be done to branch out from Batman. A lot of things that can come from this established franchise that people are willing to give their money for.

I propose that DC could have an opportunity to expand the Batman universe. If the DCU itself is floundering in delayed Flash movies, Wonder Woman films that people are too afraid to make, and Green Lantern sequels that no one can justify making... then stick with what works. If people love Batman, give them more Batman. Everyone loved RDJ as Iron Man, and now we have ties to Stark in every gods damned movie Marvel puts out. Someone mentions his name, someone uses a Stark tech product... that character is all over the place. So do that with Batman.

The successful introduction of Robin opens the door to expanding the Batman universe. Give me a couple movies of Dick Grayson as Robin, and then show me a spin-off where he becomes Nightwing. Get me invested in this character. Convince me I want to watch this character grow, and I will pay to do so. You can do the same thing with Barbara Gordon. Throw out a Batgirl movie and DC will have, depending on what would happen between now and then, the first female-centric superhero movie from the Big Two. If people aren't sold on the idea of Wonder Woman, sell them on Batman, and then just give them lady Batman. You're still first to reach out to a mostly ignored comic demographic. Take Robin and throw him in a Teen Titans movie. Create a cohesive universe based on the franchise that is doing well, and then expand from that. Show me that Batman is willing to work with these people, and I'll believe he's willing to work with those ones, too.

A Cautionary Tale on the Dangers of Stealing from Cults and Other Evil Type Organizations (Part I)

Tuesday-  14:07 PM

Baja, California

Beach Home of Tyler Rayne

So there’s this neat thing about living on the beach. Beaches are covered in sand. You know, like fucking covered in that shit. Beaches have sand for days. Now consider that, maybe, for some bizarre reason you were super paranoid about ninjas dropping out of thin air to… whatever. Do ninja shit. Thieve something. Assassinate your mother. Very quietly watch as you sleep. Ninja shit. Perhaps, if this was a concern, it would be wise to have a bunker to hide important things from ninjas. Tax documents. Rare and precious jewels. Family documents. Your mom. Important shit. And if there happened to be some beach front property on which to build this bunker… sand, man. You hide that bunker in the ever shifting sands and no one is the wiser. No one would ever know. Possibly even you…

“You forgot about this thing, didn’t you?”

Katterina Wylde pressed the flat of her flippy-floppy down on the recently rediscovered steel door and swiped some of the sand away. The door looked about three feet wide. Seven feet long or so. Fairly standard door dimensions. It rose up just an inch above the sand. This inch had previously been covered in unknown inches of sand for an unknown number of… months? Years?

“Seriously, when’s the last time you even opened this thing?”

She continued brushing sand away with her foot, revealing the number pad for the security lock. Meanwhile, sitting just to her left at the base of the door, Tyler Rayne was preoccupied with his own foot. Specifically, the toe he had just jammed against a stupid solid steel door that some fucking jackass thought it would be absolutely brilliant to bury in the gods damned sand.

“When did you bring that box of shit over?”

“What box of what shit?”

“You know. That box.  …Of shit.”

“Not, like, literal shit, right?”

You would think she’d remember. But it was long ago. And there have been many, many, many blacked out tequila nights since then and now. Plus, a box of actual shit wouldn’t even break the top ten of weirdest thing she’d given to Tyler.

“Christ. I hope not. Knowing Jakob, though… ”

The Dark Angel sneered. An actual growl crawled around her clenched teeth. Blackness filled her eyes like rushing water poured into an empty pitcher. It was but a fleeting moment. Her jaw loosened. The black faded.

“The box of shit I stole from The Fallen.”

“Yeah. I never looked at it. Just sorta shoved it in there.”

“Sounds like you.”

“Cute.”

“I’m sure that’s what they say about it. You remember the code?”

Tyler pushed himself up, carefully applying pressure to his left foot. The toe did not seem to be broken. He stepped up on the door and then bent down toward the keypad and began punching numbers.

Eight. Six. Seven. Five. Three. Zero. Nine.

“You might be the dumbest man alive.”

“How else was I going to remember it? I didn’t even remember the fucking door was here. Plus, no one would be stupid enough to actually guess that code. I hope… ”

A terrible grinding noise rose up from the door. The lock release sounded like a steel beam crashing. More terrible grinding and the sound of strained hydraulics. The door popped open and rose an inch. Two. The metal began to screech and groan. There was a small explosion. Smoke began to rise out of the upper corner. All noises ceased instantly. The door froze where it was.

“Well… fuck.”

Tyler and Katterina stared down at the door for a full minute, pondering.

“You have any C4 left?”

“Used it all last time we were in Tunisia.”

“All of it? Ty, that was a Christmas present!”

“And a great one, too. Saved both our lives.”

“We could try lifting it.”

“Just the two of us? No way. It’s a three man job, at least. Thing is fucking thick.”

“That’s what she said.”

More staring. More pondering. A couple of minutes passed  in silence. We should not have to tell you the significance of an event when these two can manage a few whole minutes without talking about cocks or vampires. The pair stared at the door in this rare silence until the silence was broken by some unexpected bickering. Tyler looked at Katterina. Katterina looked at Tyler. Both of them looked up to the beach house. Angelica Brooks was stepping through the back door, half turned to argue with the diminutive man behind her. She had been a guest at the ocean front property on many occasions, and thus, did not need to keep as close an eye on where she was walking. She knew the layout well. Then again, Tyler lived there and he’d stumbled over a gods damned underground bunker.  The man following Angelica was not so familiar with the residence. The frock of mud brown hair on his head bounced as he vigorously argued with the red-haired, part-time model. The two of them argued all the way down the beach. Angelica was the first to relent, tearing a furious gaze from her follower over to the owner of this wonderful little residence.

“Ty, will you please tell--”

“Shut your gods damned cock holsters. Both of you. Mills, what in the name of the finest fuck you’ll never have are you doing here?”

Matt Mills stood to his full height and straightened the collar on his maroon PRIME polo.

“I was just coming to--”

“He followed me from--”

Tyler held up a single hand to silence both of them.

“B. Seriously. With the shutting up. Know what, Mills? I actually don’t give a fried rat’s ass.”

Katterina cleared her throat. Mills seemed to notice her for the first time.

“So about that three man job… ”

“Katt, you’re a gods damned genius. Mills, you’re close enough to a man. We need someone to help us… You aren’t listening to me at all, are you? Fucking twat.”

Mills had not stopped noticing Katterina enough to realize Tyler was speaking to him. His mouth curved agape in a rather awkward sort of creeptastic smile. Eyes laser honed on Katterina. Tyler followed the unending stare in the not-at-all-surprising direction of Ms. Wylde’s bosom. She wore what he guessed was a swimsuit top. There was a neckpiece, like a dog collar, that wrapped around her neck. Two straps descended down her shoulders and around the side of her breasts. The top connected across the front at an incredibly low point on her cleavage, leaving very little to the imagination. The thing was little more than a black strap to cover her nipples. Tyler could not quite fathom the sort of gravity-defying physics applied to actually keep her tits from popping out of the top. Nor the same sort of nonsensical science that kept Matt’s eyes from popping out of his head. He wondered, however, at the lack of rebuke from his dearest friend. While she certainly took pride in her rather fine body, the woman also enjoyed scaring the shit out of little creeper fucks like Mills. Tyler was about to pose a question on the subject when he noticed that Katterina, too, seemed distracted. She had the most pleased expression on her face, though one that suggested her thoughts were quite elsewhere. He followed the appreciative gaze of his bestie to the most obvious of locations… Angelica’s rack. There was nothing especially astounding about her bikini top. Just the basic tie around the back sort of job. Blue with some yellow flowers on it. Tyler had a suspicion, though, that from the angle Katterina was standing, with her height advantage over Angelica, there was a distinct possibility Katt could see the entire left breast. Nip and all. Which he was going to point out to his flame topped friend… until he realized that she, too, was full on mesmerized by an outstanding chest. His.

“Ooo-K. Can we all stop staring at each other’s tits now and open this fucking door?”

All three of them perked up when they realized they’d been caught. Tyler nodded toward the steel door sticking out of the sand. Then he turned to look at all the three of them, one at a time. Mills was too embarrassed to look at him. Angelica was blushing, too, but she always had trouble tearing her eyes away. Katterina just shrugged, more than pleased with the her peep show.

“You ruin all the fun.”

“Just yours, kid.”

He stepped up to the side of the door and slid his hands in under the opening. Katterina did the same. Brooks hesitated for a moment and then stepped over to help. The three of them turned to stare at Mills, who remained defiant.

“Not until I get my interview.”

“I swear to Crom I will split your fucking gourd.”

Mills crossed his arm over his chest and remained in place.

“Look at Millsy Baby grow a sack. You know, this whole defiant thing is kinda cute.”

The interviewer grinned and winked at Katterina.

“She’s still a fucking dyke, dipshit. Jesus. Look, help us open the door and I’ll answer your stupid questions.”

Mills stood for a second, pondering. It was the best chance he had. He walked over and shoved his way in between Katterina and Angelica. Tyler waited impatiently for the man to get ready.

“On three. One… two… three!”

The door was massive. The broken gears and gadgets inside did not make things easier. Lifting the door was a struggle. An exhausting fifteen minute struggle of strength that at least half of them didn’t realize they possessed. Finally, the door was open. A musty odor wafted up from beneath. Mills collapsed on the edge of the descending staircase. Tyler stepped over him and proceeded down into the bunker. Katt followed. Angelica looked down into the darkness and hesitated. She looked over at Mills, took a moment to consider her options, and then marched down the stairs. There was more light than she had originally thought. It was mid-afternoon on a nice California beach, after all. The bunker itself was powered by a small generator that she could hear churning, but did not see. While the door mechanism had broken, the rest of the bunker seemed to be intact. Lights. Air filtration and cooling system. Even a symphony playing quietly in the background. Though the bunker looked quite expansive, neither Katterina nor Tyler had ventured very far beyond the bottom step. The two seemed preoccupied with a large box sitting on the floor.

“What’s in the box?”

“Not a fucking clue.”

Katterina picked a couple of large, leather-bound books from the box. She brushed some dust off them and gave each book a cursory glance before handing them back to Brooks. Angelica took them without thinking.

“Can I have my interview now?!”

Mills had at least picked himself up from the pathetic prone state of exhaustion to a more respectable sitting position at the top of the steps. While he certainly wasn’t going to walk down there, he had no problems shouting down.

“Hey, Mills. You ever consider there’s a reason you’re single?”

“C’mon, man. I helped you. Now—“

“And you can continue helping by shutting the fuck up. We’re in some weird shit down here.”

The books were heavier than Angelica had expected. The leather was old and worn. One of the books had a dragon of some sort on the cover. Another had the etched outline of a large eye. She observed the curve along the top of the eye. The perfect circle that formed the iris. The hair on the back of her neck began to stand. She had the distinct feeling that someone was staring at her. Angelica began to trace the eye with her finger. It was cold to the touch, but she felt a blaze of heat spread through the veins in her palm. That seemed… odd. That lingering feeling became stronger. She looked up, but Mills was staring off at the ocean. Katt and Tyler were digging through the box. There was no one else. Yet she could not shake the feeling that… it was the book that was staring at her.

“I wouldn’t stare too long if I were you, sugar bear.”

“Huh? Oh. I was just… um…”

“Those books could be dangerous, B. Avert thy fucking eyes.”

“Dangerous how?”

“Boil the blood in your heart and spawn little spiders in your veins how.”

“Oh…”

The two of them began digging more intently through the box. Angelica did not want to look at the books, but without something to occupy her mind, she had little hope of avoiding that.

“So, um… these books. Where did you, uh… you know, get them?”

“You remember that cocktastic fuckbag Jakob? Showed up just before I left the last time.”

Angelica shuddered.

“Katt sort of… borrowed these from some friends of his.”

“I can’t imagine he has many friends.”

“Not many living ones. No.”

Tyler pulled a large crystal from the bottom of the box. It was purple with three different sized spires that extended from the base. A dark mist danced inside the spires. He went up a handful of stairs to hold the crystal up to some sunlight. The mist dissipated where sunlight touched it. Mills looked down at the strange object and scoffed.

“Ooo. Neat. You found the Sorcerer’s Stone. Can we talk about PRIME now?”

“No. Shut up. The adults are busy.”

“You promised.”

Tyler lowered the crystal so he could stare directly at the would-be interviewer.

“I lied.”

Mills stood to his full height at the top of the stairs. He towered over the rest of them, looking down at… you know, from this angle he could almost see all of Angelica’s left… no. Not now. Matt Mills marched down the stairs toward Tyler Rayne. The Golden Boy watched him descend, amused at the sudden wellspring of confidence. Mills stood defiant on the step above and leveled an even, unwavering stare down on the PRIME favorite.

“Look, asshole, we had a deal. I helped you open the door to your busted ass vault. You’ve got all day to play Dungeons and Dragons, but right now… I want my fucking interview.”

Angelica could not stop herself from gasping. Katterina chuckled. The amusement faded from Tyler’s face. On the one hand, he was impressed. Mills was standing up for himself. He was standing up to someone. That deserved a bit of consideration. Tyler, however, wasn’t overly fond of people speaking to him in such a manner. Particularly trespassers on his own property.

“You’ll want to back up now.”

“No.”

Tyler placed a hand on Matt’s shoulder, fingers beginning to squeeze at the fabric of the polo. Before Tyler could get a firm grip, Mills swatted the hand away. With a surprising amount of force. Tyler’s foot slipped off the stair and cracked awkwardly into the one below. Though his toe was not broken, it was quite injured, and the sudden aggravation sent a jolt of pain racing up his leg. He lost his balance. As he fell, he reached out to steady himself with the wall, forgetting that he was still holding that crystal. He punched the wall instead of gripping it. Tyler was still able to use the wall for balance, but the impact of his hand slamming against it drove the crystal up through his closed fist. The edges of the spires sliced across his palm and a couple fingers. No deep wounds, but enough to draw blood.

“You son of a… ”

Tyler felt his heart stop. An intense pain as if someone had reached in and crushed it. He gasped for air. Tyler pushed himself to his feet and tried to climb up the next stair. Matt Mills immediately backed up out of the bunker. Tyler tried to follow, but each step caused another palpitation. Another debilitating squeeze on his heart. He collapsed just short of the top of the stairs. He could hear his heart pounding as if inside his brain. He could feel each thunderous beat, not in his chest, but in his… hand? Tyler forced his eyes open to look at the crystal. The mist swirled wildly, dissipating with every booming beat of his heart and reappearing in between.

Katterina and Angelica both raced up the stairs to help him. The Dark Angel was there in a flash, reaching down to help her friend. She could feel the heat rising from his skin before she touched him. Her fingers wrapped around his bicep and a horrid, monstrous sound screamed out from the crystal. No. Not from the crystal. From inside her head. From both at the same time? It was all around her. She fell back. Angelica tried to catch her, but she was no professional wrestler. Katterina fell onto Angelica and Angelica fell onto the stairs. The two collapsed in a heap. Angelica’s skin was crawling. She felt bugs. All over. She looked down and almost vomited as she watched her skin ripple. Watched the insects crawling beneath her skin. She screamed. Or Katt screamed. Or the crystal did…

Angelica could hear the insects skittering across her skull. Feel them walking across the back of her eyes. Katterina opened her mouth but no sound came out. She blinked. Stunned. The moment her mouth closed an ear-splitting shriek ripped through the bunker. Or she thought. She could feel blood trickling out of her ears…

There was no more sun. An impenetrable ceiling of impossible black clouds loomed above them now. It roiled as violently as the sea. Waves of clouds and ocean water crashing around them. Above them. Matt Mills stared at all of this in horror. Frozen in terror. Someone screamed again. A single clap of thunder erupted from above. The force of it blasted sand out in a perfect circle around them. All four were floored. Tyler could feel something beckoning him. Could almost hear the voice calling his name. He pushed himself up with what strength he had left. He stared into the churning black above. A single lightning bolt snapped down and struck him square in the chest. The purple crystal melted into his hand. A dark beam burst from his mouth. It was like a light, but… not. It seemed to absorb the light around it. To twist the very world around its core. A concentrated beam of emptiness. A black hole. More black beams shot from his eyes. Every pore in his body was emitting a soul-sucking black aura that twisted and warped the beach around it, quickly spreading to encompass everything around them…