Judgment

I stared this on Monday, and had this whole opening about how much I love Gears of War and the fond memories I've shared with friends over the course of the series (a bajillion fucking hours of ass fucking people with chainsaws). There was a lot of weird personal shit in there... and then I got stuck. I spent two days writing up different transitions from that to a more review oriented feature and it wasn't working. So fuck it. We'll do it live.

There was a bit of research that needed to go into this so I could understand just how stupid parts of this game were. "A bit" being about five minutes worth of searching/reading the Gears wiki, so not sure what the excuse is for the people who made this, but... whatever. Quick bit of Sera history. The Pendulum Wars were a long, drawn out struggle between the COG and the UIR that lasted about eight decades. Fighting over immulsion, I think. It ended a month and a half, maybe two months, before Emergence Day. Which is interesting to think that no one in this series knows what it's like to live during a time of peace. There was a short respite between the Pendulum Wars and the Locust attacks, but most of that would have had to be spent pulling troops out and assessing damage and planning to rebuild and signing treaties and sleeping and showering and all kinds of other bullshit that happens at the end of a war. I'm sure it didn't feel like "peace time."

Now Gears of War: Judgment takes place about a month after E-Day, which, being generous, we can say is three months after the end of the Pendulum Wars. The main campaign is, for the largest part, told in flashback as Kilo Squad recounts their tale of insubordination in the defense of Halvo Bay.

Kilo Squad is led by Damon Baird, who, from the research I did, joined the COG after E-Day. According to the official Gears website, he's been a lieutenant for one whole week. Which doesn't seem all that impressive, but then take note that he made that rank in less than a month. However, I found the timeline for when he volunteered on an unofficial website, so it's possible this might have been retroacted when the game was being made.

The three other members of Kilo Squad also volunteered to join the COG after the Locust emergence. There's Augustus Cole, former Thrashball superstar, attempting to adjust from a life of fame and fortune to life as a soldier. There's Sofia, who was a journalist with a record for speaking against the COG during the Pendulum Wars, but is now in training to become an Onyx Guard. Then there's Paduk, a former member of the UIR who, I think, was being held as a war prisoner for refusing to surrender to the COG at the end of the Pendulum Wars. Of course, he felt compelled to volunteer to fight the Locust, even if it meant being conscripted into the COG.

I'll take a brief moment to point out the ridiculousness of that Sofia background, because a friend pointed it out to me over Twitter and, well, it is a bit dumb. The Onyx Guard are the elite COG force. Total badasses. They're like the dudes in red dresses that guard Emperor Palpatine on the Death Star. And, in less than a month, a journalist that I would assume (and I could be wrong) has little formal training, who openly criticized the practices of the COG during the last war, has been drafted and begun training in the most premiere branch of military service. In under a month.

This is the sort of half-assed planning that permeates the entire game. Yes, it's cool to have a female squadmate (even though it doesn't jive with Gears lore) and, as a fan of the series, it's also cool to have an Onyx Guard in the mix. But shoehorning this particular woman into that position doesn't make much sense, and it makes even less sense further into the campaign.

The campaign itself takes a sharp turn from the what we've grown accustomed to with the series. We start off with Kilo Squad on trial for treason and insubordination and a half dozen other charges, facing military tribunal and, gasp, judgment from some douche nozzle named Loomis. The first three-quarters of the campaign is told as a flashback, with each member of Kilo Squad stepping up to testify on the events that lead to their arrest and the charges against them.

Judgment has made two large differences to the traditional campaign format. First, it takes advantage of this flashback format to add a new feature to the campaign: the Declassified mission. Each mission has a "Declassified" file (activated in-game by giant red symbols on the wall), which is a clever way of adding extra difficulty. The idea is that since Kilo Squad is recounting their own tale, it's possible some of this shit is just made up. So Baird could claim that the squad had to fend off an entire wave of Locusts with nothing but Boltok pistols. In the context of his testimony, this makes the squad seem more bad ass. Whether it's true to events or not is questionable. From a gameplay perspective, it just makes the level more difficult. Declassified missions more or less fall into three categories: Kilo Squad uses a specific weapon/limited ammo, Kilo Squad can't see for shit due to fog/smoke/dust, Locust waves are stronger/larger/better equipped. It's a cool idea that spices up the game a little and takes players out of their comfort zone, adding a new dimension to what are, by now, the familiar gameplay mechanics of the series.

The second big change, which ties into the Declassified missions, is a new(ish) scoring system. Judgment takes some of the ideas from the Gears 3 Arcade mode and fuses them with the campaign, creating an odd hybrid of the two. Each chunk of action is rated on a three star scale. Number of kills and type of kill (headshot, execution, gib) are combined for the positive score, which is then dropped depending on how much time was spent DBNO. Doing Declassified missions offers a huge boost to the positive score, guaranteeing at least a two star finish almost every time. However, my girlfriend and I found it just as easy to chainsaw every possible enemy (getting both a kill and execution score, and possibly gibs, too, though I'm not sure about that).

On paper, this seems like a great idea. Judgment still offers the same great game mechanics that we've enjoyed from the previous installments, but with a new twist that makes it feel fresh and different. These changes add a new dimension to the action pieces and help to amp up these battles a little more than usual. From a singular perspective, that's awesome. Each action piece feels a little different from the last, and the combination of the challenges and scoring force the player to make more intelligent decisions on how to proceed (if they want to get a three-star rating).

In practice, though, well... it's another half-assed thought. As I said, I found each singular action piece a little more interesting thanks to the Declassified challenges and the more tactical thinking I would do to get more a higher score. But the problem with this is that it detracts from the whole.

In previous iterations of the series, the campaign was broken into Acts and Chapters, all of which sort of rolled one into the other. Since each Act, more often than not, took place in a different locale, it was simple enough to tell where those began and ended. Each Act is broken into Chapters, in which the members of Delta Squad need to get from Point A to Point B. So if Marcus and Co. need to get from the market to the hotel, there are four blocks of Locust between those points and the game is a gradual progression of clearing those four blocks. Run across the street to a parking lot, take cover, kill Locust, run across the street to the courtyard, take cover, kill Locust... It's a game of gaining ground, with each action set broken up by the travel from one place to another. It is in these moments, while Delta Squad is running through an abandoned building, that we get a moment to relax, but also, the characters relax. These are the times when, even if just talking about the mission, we find out that Marcus is focused on the job, Dom is worried about getting shit done, Baird is just a fucking asshole, and Cole is confident that he'll mow down anything the Locust can throw at them. We get a sense of their personalities through the interactions that take place both during combat, but also when not in combat.

Judgment has almost entirely eliminated these opportunities. Because of the Declassified challenges and the scoring system, each action piece has to broken and separate from the others. So using the above example, Kilo Squad crawls through a fence to get to the parking lot. Here we get a little exposition from whichever member is testifying (remember, these are flashbacks) and then a chance to accept the Declassified challenge (which adds more exposition to explain the hindrance in the context of the story) and load up on weapons. Then there's the big action piece, Kilo killing all the Locust in the parking lot, and on the other side of the parking lot there's a gate. Stop at the gate to get the score for this section and then move to the next. But since it's a stop/go action, anyway, we move straight from the parking lot to the courtyard, where we pick the next Declassified mission and get more exposition from the testimony.

The cool new elements of the campaign are also the worst elements. The flashback exposition, the scoring, the Declassified challenges, all of these things add together to create a game that focuses hard on the action pieces and doesn't allow room/time for character development. Now I understand we're talking about Gears here, and it's not known for having amazing character development. But I think we can all agree that the first three games did a good enough job of at least distinguishing the characters in some abstract form. Stoic leader, loud-mouth superstar, smart-ass smart dude, etc. The dialogue might not be the best, but it serves its purpose. A lot of those moments of Marcus and Dom trading a few lines as they run across an empty street seem pointless, but over the course of an eight hour campaign, or three campaigns, it all adds up to build a friendship. These are real characters with real relationships, even if both of those things are their most base, rudimentary level.

Judgment doesn't even give us that much. Kilo Squad, from what I gathered, is made up of white dude, black dude, foreign dude, and ginger chick. I got enough from Paduk to upgrade him to grumpy foreign dude, and the storyline progresses in a way that we could call Sofia slutty ginger chick, but that's about it. Even in the action pieces the characters seem muted, the usual shit talk taken down drastically. Up until two weeks ago, I had never played as Cole in an MP or Horde match. But I can tell you almost every one of his lines from the previous games, because people talk shit all the fucking time. Every kill, every reload, every wave of Horde... there is constant combat chatter in the Gears of Wars games. But Judgment even killed this off, giving the occasional combat line, but otherwise leaving us in this strange world of silent soldiers.

The lack of interaction between the members of Kilo Squad breeds a lack of empathy for what happens to them. I don't know these people, so I don't care about them or what happens to them.

Speaking of what happens to them, the story is another case of a good idea that just wasn't thought through to completion.  Kilo Squad is posted in Halvo Bay, which is being overrun with Locust. This particular Locust army is being led by a badass named Karn, who rides some sort of Corpser looking thing. We never get a good look at Karn or his epic mount, which I presume was a Jaws inspired idea to keep him more dangerous and terrifying by not showing him. That works in some cases, but not this one. The whole idea is that Karn is a force of absolute destruction that must be stopped at all costs, but we never see him do shit. We see his armies. We fight them and we kill them. We see some buildings torn up, but we're used to that in the Gears series so that's not something that stands out (even if it's new to these characters in this time frame, it's not new to us so it's not striking or unusual). There's nothing that screams "this dude is a bad mother fucker."

Except for Paduk. He tells us all about how Karn came through and wiped out his hometown and nothing in the UIR could stop him. Paudk tells us how devastating and dangerous this Locust general can be. And armed with this information, Kilo Squad decides to disobey orders and launch the Lightmass Missile, which is the only weapon powerful enough to take down Karn and his horde.

OK. Well, I guess no one cares about their source of information, eh? There's a bit of argument within the group of whether to trust Paduk or not, but it doesn't last long and it doesn't get too hot. The group agrees that this is what needs to be done and so, off we go. But Paduk is a lying piece of shit. See, he says he watched Karn take down his whole city and blah blah blah... but dude was locked up in prison. He was arrested and taken as a prisoner of war because he refused to surrender to the COG after the Pendulum Wars. He was released from prison because he volunteered to join the COG and fight the Locust. So he wasn't at home, with the UIR, during or after E-Day. He was sitting in a cell, waiting to die. His official backstory is a complete contradiction of his tale of Karn's destruction, which is the motivating factor for the entire campaign story.

This could have been done on purpose, as some sort of rouse for Paduk to gain access to COG secrets or whatever. Someone even suggests this during the discussion, but then it's forgotten and never mentioned again. So either the writers didn't know there was a giant contradiction, or it was done on purpose and then the payoff (when we find out he lied) was just forgotten/abandoned. Neither is that good.

But whatever. Kilo Squad decides to find the Lightmass Missile and use it against Karn. Of course Loomis orders them not to do this, but he's a douche and he has no idea what's going on on the ground. He doesn't see what Kilo is seeing. He doesn't understand how dire the situation is. If Kilo doesn't find use the Lightmass Missile, Halvo Bay will be lost, and so will a lot of other cities if Karn survives. Kilo Squad is doing the right thing.

In order to launch the missile, they'll need a robot to interface with the missile, the launch codes, and then a way to break into the missile silo and obtain Karn's location for the strike. Fortunate for them, Sofia slept with one of her professors who happens to have the codes because he worked on the project. Ignoring the dozens of things wrong with taking the single female character and turning her into the student-in-love-with-teacher bullshit, this twist is damn fucking convenient.

Now for those who don't know, I happen to have a degree in Journalism. Granted, mine is in Print Journalism, and it's possible that Sofia was in Broadcast Journalism or something, but I'll bet most of the course requirements are the same. She was a journalist, remember? Before she joined the COG. The grand total of science and match classes I took to earn this degree is a whopping three. Algebra, Physics, and Chemistry, all at the most basic level I could take. Freshman/Sophomore level shit. None of it covered anything I hadn't learned in high school (from taking AP classes, but still). I'll go out on a limb and assume that none of the three professors I had for those classes were rocket scientists. Which, I'm also assuming, is what Sofia's professor would need to be to, you know, work on a fucking rocket. Missile. Whatever.

Sure, it's possible he was a professor from whatever Onyx training she squeezed into the month before this adventure, but that just opens a whole other can of bullshit. Moving on, Kilo Squad gets all the shit they need, return to Halvo Bay, and use the Lightmass Missile against Karn. Right after this, Loomis shows up to arrest them and take them to the trial.

At this point, the campaign moves from the flashback/testimony format to "Present Day," with Kilo Squad having finished their testimony and Loomis about to hand out sentences. Then the Locust burst in and screw up all the fun and Kilo Squad is back in kill mode to find an escape route. This is where the Declassified mission format breaks down. In flashback presentation, it makes sense. But this being real time now, there's no logical explanation. The game attempts to get around this by presenting the Declassified missions as Loomis' testimony, presumably from a report he filed after the events of the campaign. Which makes sense in the idea that this is a prequel, but not in the sense that the last quarter of the campaign's events unfold in "Present Day," which means Loomis' report has yet to be filed because these events haven't happened yet. This sort of thing annoys me so much that I stopped doing the Declassified missions at this point.

So the rest of the game unfolds with Kilo Squad trying to escape before the Locust overrun the area. Of course no game is complete without a final boss fight, and this one provides an epic in the form of Karn. Yes. Karn. The badass mother fucking Locust tornado of doom that Kilo Squad used the Lightmass Missile to kill. Except it didn't kill him. So Kilo Squad disobeyed orders, broke into top secret facilities, launched a weapon of mass destruction that could have been used to more strategic value later in the war... all to stop Karn and it DIDN'T FUCKING WORK.

Loomis was right. The whole point of this game was that Kilo Squad was doing the right thing. That soldiers on the ground sometimes know more about war than the generals giving orders from their protected bunkers. It was all about rebellion for a purpose. For a cause. But the whole thing was a complete failure. A waste. It was all for nothing. The game is written to present Loomis as this out-of-touch, militant monster whose closed minded choices are a danger to the war effort.  He's stuck with the ideals and tactics of the Pendulum War, which doesn't translate to this new war. It's soldiers like Baird and Kilo Squad that are the new blood. New soldiers that need to show the old men how to fight in a new kind of war.

Except not because Baird and Co. were fucking wrong and the old dude was right.

Ignoring that, we get a cool final battle with Karn and his giant... thing. It's not quite a Corpser, it's more crab than spider, but something like a Corpser. It's a standard big bad boss fight for a shooter. Fun, but nothing mind blowing. This battle in particular serves as a reminder that the chatter in this game has been neutered. Previous entries of the series would have had Marcus to tell me what to do. "Shoot the god damn legs!" "Shoot it's fucking eyes out!" You know. Whatever. Here, though, it's just quiet and I get to point randomly at a giant crab until the crosshairs turns red. "Oh, I guess I shoot that part..." Then we kill him, with just the guns we had on us at the time, which means we could have cut this campaign about six hours shorter, and skipped the charges of treason, if we had just done that when we first saw him. But somehow, in proving that Loomis was right all along, we have grudgingly earned his respect and the charges are dropped, on the condition that Baird is never allowed to lead a squad again. All's well that ends well, I guess.

There's the campaign. Some good, a little more bad, but with the general good of the basic mechanics of the series it almost evens out. It could have been a lot more compelling, but shot itself in the foot and ends up being just sort of average. It's interesting enough for fans of the series, but there's too much dumb shit here for me to suggest it as a jump on point for newcomers.

For those fans, though, there's a nice treat called Aftermath. Earn enough stars in the campaign and you can unlock Aftermath, which is a one act story that takes place during the events of Gears of War 3. In Gears 3, Marcus and Dom run off to get a sub and sneak into Azura. Baird and Cole run off to get reinforcements for the strike on Azura. Gears 3 follows Marcus and Dom, and we meet up with Baird and Cole later. Aftermath let's us in on what happened to Baird and Cole.

Turns out, the two returned to Halvo Bay with Carmine and met up with Paduk, who's been squatting in Halvo Bay for awhile, apparently. The interesting thing about Aftermath is that it tries to stick to the Gears of War 3 formula rather than the Arcade mode formula of Judgment. No scoring, no Declassified missions, just the classic run and (take cover and) gun of the other games.

I'd like to point out that I have no essential problem with how the changes affect gameplay. I hate the impact the changes have on the storytelling, but I enjoyed the Declassified challenges during the Judgment campaign. That said, it's also nice to just get into the more classic shoot and scoot formula. It's familiar and inviting. But it serves, as all things in this game, to point out some of the flaws of the new shiny. For instance, in previous versions, players could carry two main weapons, plus a pistol. Now it's two weapons of any variety, including pistols. Doesn't make a huge difference, but it's more noticeable combined with the lack of weapon drops. To go along with the new arcade feel of the main campaign, enemies now drop little red ammo boxes that refill ammo for the current weapons, rather than dropping their own weapons which can be scavenged for ammo or swapped out. Some enemies do drop weapons, but most often, little ammo boxes. It's another small change, but all noticeable, and moreso when done against the Gears 3 backdrop.

There's nothing new about Aftermath. It's a cool addition for fans of the series. There's a little more dialogue and character interaction here, but it's often cut-off too soon (which also happens in the rare occasion the characters speak during the main campaign). The weakness of the main campaign permeates through Aftermath. This reunion would be much more interesting if we cared more about the original relationship of Kilo Squad, but Judgment never does a good enough job of building that relationship to begin with, making the events of Aftermath less impactful. This is most unfortunate at the conclusion of Aftermath, which could have been one of the most poignant moments of the series, but falls short due to the apathy bred for Kilo Squad. Still, Aftermath stands at the most entertaining and fun portion of Judgment.

I don't do a lot of multiplayer stuff, so I didn't get too far into checking that out. I'm just not competitive enough to care, so unless I'm playing with a lot of friends, I never bother. However, I figured it would be worth checking out the new mode(s). I was wrong.

First, let's point out the big fucking problem of no Horde mode. My girlfriend and I were still playing Horde on Gears of War 3 up to the point that Judgment came out. It's one of the primary reasons I purchase a Gears game now, and I had no idea it wasn't included on this one. I suppose I should have done a little more research, but I would have never guessed they'd take out the mode they made famous (I think). Gears of War perfected the Horde mode idea, even if it didn't create it, which I sorta think it did... but either way, it did it so well that even Halo and other games started stealing the idea. There are even portions of the main campaign that are like mini-Horde moments, where Kilo Squad needs to hold an area, with predetermined barriers and movable sentries, against waves of Locust. So why the fuck isn't it here? What the hell happened? Why didn't and I know? And why didn't either of the two reviews I read mention this at all?

Fucking hell. This pisses me off. What's more, there's a possibility that it could be released later as DLC. And I swear if those fuckers charge me extra for Horde mode I will lose my shit.

ANYWAY...

The brand new mode Judgment has been showing off for awhile is Overrun. Overrun combines elements of Horde mode, Beast mode, and some new shit into this one-sided amalgam of nonsense. The COG side is composed of up to five team members, although there are only four characters to choose from (fucking brilliant). Each character is assigned a class and each class has a predetermined weapon loadout and a couple of special abilities. Engineers can repair barricades and turrets. Soldiers throw out ammo. Medics throw out health grenades, and Scouts can climb up on shit. Some shit.

It's another one of those weird design flaws where being able to climb on a roof for better sniping position is great, but it's not like you can climb up on anything. You can climb on the things they let you, which are few compared to what you'd think. The same thing comes to the barricades, which can't be moved or upgraded. The barricades are placed in predetermined positions. You can't build new ones or move them. You get what's on the map. So deal with it.

On the other side, the opposing team gets to choose from a host of Locust soldiers (Tickers, Grenadiers, Kantus). Locust team members earn points for kills and destruction, and points can be cashed in for stronger Locust monsters (Maulers, Corpsers, Serapedes). It's the exact same setup as Beast mode.

Each map is broken into three pieces. In the first two, the COG are guarding a plugged E-Hole from the Locust. If the Locust can destroy the big metal plug, then the COG are pushed back to the next portion of the level. The last portion has the COG guarding a generator. If the Locust destroy the generator, it's game over.

I played one match and it seemed to me that it would be damn hard to lose as the Locust. The COG are too handicapped by classes. And while the Locust can continue to earn points toward upgrade their soldiers, there's no upgrade option for the COG. I just run around as a Ticker or jump in and heal with the Kantus until I get enough points to unlock the Corpser. By that point, we've at least taken some of the defenses down and I just run in and wreck shit. It seems like Overrun is less of a COG vs Locust battle and more of a Which Locust Team Can Win Fastest battle.

Once again, the idea is sound in theory, but falls apart in practice.

Survival mode has (for the moment?) replaced Horde mode, and it's just Overrun against AI Locust. You jump in as one of the four COG classes and defend the E-holes/generator against ten waves of Locust. When thrown against the AI, the lack of customization here is debilitating. Without the option to place or upgrade barriers, and without the option to upgrade character classes or swap weapons, players are left at the mercy of the game itself. It's not horrible, but it's not that much fun and it doesn't have much replay value.

Which, I guess, can be said for the whole game. I don't feel like I wasted the time I spent on the game, but it wasn't as fun as previous installments. Without Horde mode, I have no reason to come back for more. Survival and Overrun are too unbalanced, and run the risk of being more frustrating than entertaining. Without the best parts of Horde mode, place and leveling up your own defenses, these modes just feel flat.

Overall, the new additions to Judgment are interesting and provide a nice change of pace, but aren't good enough to warrant repeated playthroughs. The best parts of the previous installments that encouraged repeated plays have been stripped away, leaving this one with no real value beyond the first twelve hours or so. For those who've been holding out, I'd suggest renting the game to check out the campaign(s), get a little MP in with whatever rental time you have left, and then returning it to whence it came. For those of us that picked it up on release, let's hope we can get some good trade in value.

I hard Tomb Raider was bad ass...








 

Bale No More

So for those who haven't heard, there's a rumor going around that Christopher Nolan has been hired to oversee the greater whole of the DC movie universe (more or less the same job Joss Whedon has for the Marvel movie universe). He would (again, rumor) be producing the movies (much like he did with Man of Steel) and shepherding the creative vision and direction of the universe as a whole. The rumor also suggests that Christian Bale would be reprising his role as Batman in either a JLA or World's Finest (Batman/Superman) movie. Depending on what I read, Zack Snyder may or may not be set to direct this supposed mash-up film.

I read this rumor... um, some time. I think it was over the weekend. Might have been late last week. It's been almost a week, at least, and while the rumor has not been confirmed, it has yet to be denied. That could be nothing, but it seems that completely untrue rumors tend to be debunked pretty quickly. Which leads me to believe there's some truth to the rumor. It seems probable that this is the current direction Warner Bros. would like to go in, and might even be in talks with some or all of the mentioned parties to make it happen. But WB  has been dropping the ball on a JLA movie for-fucking-ever, so who knows if this ever becomes more concrete than the pure speculation it is now. 

However, since I seem to take some sort of perverse pleasure in bashing the Nolan/Bale Batman, I figure I might as well weigh in with some thoughts before the rumor is quashed.

I have two serious issues with Bale returning as Batman, which can almost exclusively be summed up by watching The Dark Knight Rises, and one not-so-serious issue that is best outlined here (or here or here or here). 



1)  Bringing Bale back as Batman pisses all over the events of The Dark Knight Rises.

Now this is a comic book movie, so it's possible Bale could come back as a "different" Batman in a universe separate from the one Nolan created. A reboot, for lack of a better term, but with the same actor. It is not uncommon for comic book writers to present a different take on a superhero that exists within a different or alternate universe. This is, in fact, very common for both Batman and DC, so I suppose it's not impossible. However, presenting a reboot or alternate vision of a film character, with the same actor, is going to be a difficult sell to casual audiences. The studio would be taking a big risk in hoping that the average, non-comic book fan would "get it." Studios don't seem to have that sort of faith in their audience, and many a film (including The Dark Knight Rises) have been ruined by this lack of faith and the resulting dumbing down or over-explanation of content.

So let's assume, then, that Bale would be reprising his role as the same Batman that appeared in the Nolan films. This crossover (either JLA or Superman/Batman) would herald the return of the man that retired at the end of The Dark Knight Rises. The unfortunate truth is that people won't care too much. The combined excitement of Christian Bale returning as Batman AND doing so in a film with Supes (and whoever else) would more than override the question of how.

But that doesn't mean it won't bother me and two other people somewhere in the world. The thing about the ending to The Dark Knight Rises is that it is, in fact, an ending. Bruce is retired. He's with a woman we assume he loves, living a quiet life we were led to believe he wanted. He left Gotham in the care of what we presume will be a new Batman. That's the end of the Bruce Wayne story, and more importantly, it's a happy one. The hero has won. All his sacrifice, all his heroism, pays off. He gets what he deserves. What he has earned. Despite what I think of the movie as a whole, or its portrayal of Batman, I like this ending. I like to see the hero rewarded.

Bringing that Bruce Wayne, and that Batman, back in a new movie nullifies all of that. Look at all three of those Batman films together. It can be interpreted as a lot of things, and I think one of them is the story of a man looking for peace. In Batman Begins, Bruce travels all over the world looking for something to fill the void left by his parents' death. He's a man chased by the ghosts of his past. Restless. Without peace. He fills the void, and intends to redeem his parents, by becoming Batman, which, of course, just leads to more problems and pain. We see, in his relationship with Rachel Dawes, that there is some part of him that wants to be "normal." He wants to settle down, but can't. He feels a need or compulsion or responsibility to be Batman. To protect Gotham. So he does that. Then he stops doing that, but cannot find peace or rest because there are two more ghosts chasing him. The Dark Knight Rises is a redemption tale. His sacrifices (both legitimate and fabricated) lead to his atonement. He finds peace, he finds the girl, and he no longer needs nor wants to be held accountable. He's saved enough lives to balance out the ones he felt responsible for. He moves on.

As much as it pains me to admit, it's a full character arc. It's one of the things I like about the series. And whatever reason is created (or not, perhaps) to bring Bruce back is just a big kick in the dick to what Nolan's series achieved there. None of that matters because someone wants to make an Avengers-load of money. The Bruce Wayne that Nolan created, that Christian Bale played in all three of those movies, is done being the hero. Any reason to bring him back is nothing more than a cheap and superficial excuse that disrespects the heart and nature of that character (or at least where he ended up at the conclusion of that series).




2) The Nolan/Bale Batman is a selfish dick, unworthy of a spot on the JLA roster.

Come on now. You didn't think I was going to write this and not bitch about their Batman, did you?

Let's assume the studio is shooting for an eventual JLA movie, where Bale's Batman will be teaming up with multiple heroes, to which the following argument still applies, but I'll be using Superman as the basis. Supes is, after all, "the big one." All of the Man of Steel trailers have relayed this common theme of Clark Kent choosing to be Superman. He's a powerful alien raised by humans, who have hopefully guided him along the proper path, but in the end he has to make his own choice on what sort of man (or hero) he wants to become. Of course there's a conflict, but ultimately Clark chooses to use his powers for good. He chooses to become Superman and help, if he can, to save the world, consequences be damned.

This is a common superhero thing. It's touched on in almost all superhero movies, in particular I'd like to point out that lackluster mess of a Green Lantern film (as GL will almost assuredly be featured in a JLA movie, even if it isn't the same Ryan Reynolds version). The hero makes an active choice to do what he does, for the greater good of society.

Batman, at this point, has made an active choice to NOT do that. He has chosen to no longer be a hero. As I said, this is a well-deserved respite and it works fine as the final period to Nolan's trilogy. But in the larger whole of a JLA universe, it falls apart.

Every superhero makes the choice to become or remain a hero. The sacrifices, the hardships, all the pain are given for the idea that something greater exists. These are men and women fighting for a cause. Batman gave up that fight. He chose to quit. So what would a hero like Superman want with a quitter (no matter how justified) like Batman? What would make Superman think he can rely on a man who just doesn't have the heart or determination to be a superhero? And think about it. The Justice League, much like The Avengers, is a conglomeration of heroes teaming up to face the biggest, most dangerous, world-ending threats. These are teams put together for the purpose of facing the most dire, insurmountable odds. Do you willingly offer a spot on a team like that to a man who couldn't even face his own small problems (in comparison to the fate of the world or universe) without quitting?

Bruce quit being Batman. There is no logical reason that Superman would want to offer him a spot on a superhero team. He clearly has no desire to be a superhero.

I could just stop there and leave it, but I'm not known for letting things go, so let's run down Batman some more. Let's pretend there's some sort of decision making process for membership into the Justice League. OK, sure, Bruce is retired, but ignore that and look at his resume. Perhaps Superman is faced with a big enough threat that he would still consider approaching Bruce, even given the above argument. The Justice League is in need of heroes willing to save the world, and Bruce showed true heroism in the number of times he saved Gotham.

Well... kind of. I guess.

So Bruce's parents were murdered when he was a kid and that blows. Once he gets old enough he just runs off to travel the world. No one knows where he goes or if he's even alive. Irresponsible, especially considering there was a family business to run, but I'll let it slide (other than, you know, pointing it out). Dude has some issues to work out. We find him in a jail in the mountains somewhere in Asia (I think). You might or might not assume he has been in other prisons like this before (I can't remember if that was explicitly stated in the movie). He has a clear aptitude for fighting, far beyond that of the rather (presumably) dangerous prison thug(s). He has (again, assumed) sought out training in the martial arts, and dedicated himself to becoming an ass beating machine. He then finds himself in the thrall of a shadow organization of assassins, and takes on their training without asking too many questions. Turns out they're evil and he runs away (this is his most common response when life gets hard).

Now all of that could be forgiven. After all, he did have some emotional shit regarding his parents to deal with. And it's not like criminals can't be reformed or born again or whatever. I think Green Arrow might have even been in jail or some shit for awhile, and about half of The Avengers roster at this point (the comics not the movie) were villains at one point. So while this is all a bit questionable, it might not be damning enough to prevent entrance into the JLA. Young men make foolish decisions, and Bruce seems to have learned a lesson from all this.

Bruce takes all that training from the bad people around the world and puts it to good use as a hero in Gotham. Oh, and he stalks this chick he used to have a thing for back before he just up and left. Arguably heroic, since said chick is in deep with these mob types and it affords him the opportunity to bust up their operation and save her at the same time. So it all works out for the better. The League of Assassins shows up to ruin Gotham for whatever insane reason, but he stops their evil plan (with a great deal of collateral damage and, one would have to assume, loss of innocent life, but this is something that could be applied to all superhero battles). He does purposefully let the leader of the assassins, a man he once considered a mentor and a friend, die. He didn't kill him, but he could have saved him and chose not to. Overall, Batman Begins is a solid, or at least average, addition to a superhero resume. Other than that whole letting Ra's die thing, he proves himself. Superman might still have some reservations, but admission to the Justice League isn't out of the question so far. We're still looking OK.

At the end of Batman Begins, Gordon gives Batman the head's up on Joker by giving him the card. I have no idea how much time is supposed to have passed between that point and the beginning of The Dark Knight, but it seems that Batman has done both jack and shit to follow up on the admittedly thin lead Gordon offered. Now I've long said that The Dark Knight is an amazing vehicle for Joker and an absolute shit portrait of Batman as a hero, so it's no surprise he just sat with a thumb up his ass while Joker was running around robbing banks. 

Despite the best efforts of both Gordon and Dent, and some effort thrown in from Batman, it is the Joker's scheming that brings Gotham's mafia to its knees. I'm not suggesting that a hero should murder and lie to get what he wants. No hero should stoop as low as to employ the same methods as the Joker. However, that does not change the fact that his methods are effective, and it is the villain, not the hero, that brings an end to organized crime in Gotham. This in itself is not a damnation of Batman's spot on the JLA, but it does bring up some questions about Batman's effectiveness as a hero. After all, had he either applied himself to looking into the Joker when Gordon gave him that card, or applied himself a little harder to cracking down on organized crime (instead of applying himself to taking a crack at Rachel Dawes), perhaps Gotham would not have been in such a prime state for Joker's antics.

On two separate occasions, Batman chooses to save Rachel above the the citizens of Gotham. First, there's the fundraiser Bruce throws for Harvey Dent. Joker crashes the party, Batman comes to save the day, Rachel gets thrown out of a window. Batman dives out to save her. This is quite heroic, and I'll not give him too much shit because she was in immediate danger and he couldn't just let her die, whether he loved her or not... but he did leave Gotham's most prominent citizens in a room with a madman and his thugs. Nothing happened, but that seems random luck. It is not unreasonable to think Joker would have done all manner of unseemly things to the people in that room while Batman was crashing onto a car. Again, I'm not saying he made the wrong choice in this case, but he did make an active choice to save Rachel and leave the people of Gotham to fend for themselves. This happens again when Joker gives Batman the location of his two hostages, Rachel Dawes and Harvey Dent. Batman makes an active choice to go to the location he thinks Rachel is being held. He has the police as backup for the second location, but it has to be assumed that, because he's Batman, he will save the person at the location he chooses (and he does). Instead of choosing Dent, who is consistently held up in both Dark Knight films as a pillar and symbol of good for Gotham, as a paragon of what can be achieved and should be strived for... he chooses to save the woman he loves, who ultimately, has no impact on the greater future or outcome of Gotham. If Rachel were to die, Gotham would go on as if nothing happened. If Dent were to die, Gotham's spirit would be broken and all that Dent, Gordon, and Batman have worked for could be lost. This is the exact point made at the end of the film and the entire basis of Batman's decision to accept blame and run off. We even see the results of what happens when Dent dies in The Dark Knight Rises. Yet Batman still chooses to save Rachel, even though that's not who ends up being at the location. That was still his intent.

For the most part, Batman thinks with his dick more than his brain. This is a theme we'll see repeated again in The Dark Knight Rises (there is no other logical explanation for his willingness to trust in both Miranda/Talia and Selina/Catwoman, women he knows next to nothing about except perhaps "I'd hit it").

Fast forward to the end of the film, (a generous gesture that ignores a lot of other selfish shit and ultra intrusive, big brother tech). Joker has crafted this weird and intricate plot to prove that people, that the common man Batman has sworn to protect, will kill with the same disregard as the thugs and murderers Batman has sworn to stop. Take note of  what happens here. In the end, Batman catches the Joker, but he doesn't stop him. The entire movie shows Batman chasing after Joker, one step behind, and in the end he's still too slow to stop the crazed plan. The choices of the people on those boats thwart Joker's plan. The people, criminal and innocent alike, prove Joker wrong. Their choice to not kill is what puts an end to the madman's reign of terror. Sure, Batman caught the Joker, but this is after all his plans have come to fruition. Things didn't turn out as the Joker expected, but that was because of the choices made by Gotham's citizens. Batman didn't do a gods damned thing.

(It could be argued that Batman inspired these people to do good, but this film beats us over the head with the idea that Dent, a regular man with a face and a name, is the true inspiration behind Gotham's turnaround, and not Batman.)

After beating up half the police force and stringing up the Joker, Batman rushes off to save his dear friend Jim Gordon from the deranged monster Dent has now become. There's a big theme here about death and fairness and right and wrong and... whatever. Batman tackles Dent, who is holding Gordon's son at gunpoint, off the edge of a building. Dent falls to his death and Batman saves the kid. Yet again we see that, when face-to-face with a friend who has gone done the wrong path, Batman will just let the fucker die. Batman and Gordon decide to cover up the whole Dent went insane thing, because, as we've learned now, Dent's image and what he represented in the eyes of the people of Gotham is more important than all else (unless Rachel's life is on the line, then fuck Dent and his reputation).

The film ends with Batman running from the police and taking the blame for a handful of murders, one he legitimately committed, because that's the kind of hero he needs to be. Fast forward almost a decade later, and we see that Gotham still treats Dent like he's Jesus (has his own holiday and everything). Batman has not been seen since that fateful night, (nor, it seems, has another super villain, lending credence to the theory that Batman's presence creates these madmen and Gotham is better off without him). It would also seem that Bruce Wayne has lived in a self-imposed seclusion since that night, drawing himself into Wayne Manor like some sort of crazed hermit.

This is where things fall apart for me. I'll give a pass on the Batman thing, because of all that went down he needed to let the persona die for a bit. And Gotham seems to have gotten on fine without him, so he just leaves Batman in the closet and we all move on. OK. He doesn't get to be a superhero in a cape, but because of that he just gives up? Sure, he's hurt from the deaths of Rachel and Dent, but that was a long fucking time ago (at this point). Get over it. Move the fuck on. Bruce isn't good at that. He's carried the deaths of his parents with him his whole life, still does, and now has two more deaths to add on top of that, (and I'm guessing Joker must have been shanked in Arkham at some point since he was never heard from again after his presumed arrest, so there's that one, too). Instead of owning up to that, instead of using that as a source of power to better himself and the world around him, Bruce just sulks. For eight years. He acts like a spoiled little child for eight fucking years, actively deciding to not do a gods damn thing at all and leave the world to its own devices. He chooses inaction. This choice, more than all others, is one that should be looked at when determining the measure of a man. He made a choice to hide for eight years, and that's the dude Superman wants to team with?

Later in the movie we find out that through his negligence, Bruce has allowed funding for various projects and charities to slip and be forgotten. Because he wasn't there to champion their cause, as Bruce Wayne, not Batman, the good that could have been done was not. We all know that Bruce is a rich man. Like Top 1% of America rich. He's so loaded we don't even question how he affords all this crap he has (though most of it he steals from his own company). We accept that Bruce can do what he wants, how he wants, because he has the money to do so. It's a long held belief in some circles that Bruce could do more for Gotham as a philanthropist than as Batman. If he dedicated the same amount of time and energy to championing causes that improved Gotham, to building better communities and funding the arts and after-school programs and donating to the police force and education and using his scientific prowess (or Fox's, whichever) to create products that improve the lives of all Gotham's citizens... It's just endless what could be achieved if Bruce funneled his drive and compassion, paired with his billions of bazillions of dollars, into the true betterment of Gotham. It can be argued, and I accept the argument, that Gotham needs Batman, at least in the comics, so this is a moot point. But here, Batman was gone for eight years. Bruce made an active choice to retire the cowl. And in that time, instead of finding a new way to champion his cause, instead of stepping up as Bruce Wayne and filling the void left by Harvey Dent's shining example... he ran off and hid in his mansion like a little bitch. That is the true personality of the Nolan/Bale Bruce Wayne. He chose to wallow in his own self misery rather than help prevent that sort of misery from befalling others. This is not the choice of a hero. This is the choice of a coward. A selfish prick who could have done more, who has the means to do more than almost anyone else in the world, and doesn't. Even if we accept the fact that Bruce, for whatever reason, could no longer wear the mantle of the bat, he still could have found a way to be a hero. If being a hero is what he wanted to do, if it's what he was, he would have done so. But he didn't. And this, above all else, is the blemish on his resume that should prevent him from ever being considered for a spot on the Justice League.

You know... that's an excellent point. I'm just going to stop there. I had this whole spiel about how he's still a selfish (his original reason for getting out of the house at all is just to go chase down some smokin' hot dame who stole his mother's necklace) and ineffective (Gotham becomes a ruin of a police state under Bane's control and, in the end, Batman is unable to stop the bomb that would have wiped Gotham off the map, but will now just give them all radiation poison and make it impossible to live there) hero who can't keep secrets (by the end of the trilogy, half of Gotham knows that Bruce Wayne is/was Batman), but fuck it. Bruce could have done a lot, just as Bruce, without the Batman gimmick. He could have contributed so much to Gotham, and he chose to do nothing. That's so far removed from heroic that I don't feel the need to even continue this point. 

Plus, I figure I beat this horse enough last time, so let's just move on.




3) I refuse to believe in a universe where people take that voice seriously.

This is the not-so-serious joke of a reason, but I promise that this is the most important reason of them all. See, I figure that none of the stuff I said above matters. It matters to me, and if a movie gets made with Bale as (the same) Batman, I'll whine and bitch about all that stuff and how it doesn't make sense and Superman should just bitch slap Bruce for acting like a giant vagina all the time. But I can accept the reality that my opinion is a minority one and, even if it wasn't, the idea of making literal mountains of cash from a JLA or Batman/Superman movie more than override something as trivial as true and honest character development. The unfortunate truth is that despite all logic or concerns of continuity, Christian Bale as Batman makes tons and tons of dolla dolla bills. So if it's something the studio can work out, they'll make it happen, previous movies or stories be damned. I don't like it, but I accept it.

Now you might not agree with the things I've said about the Nolan/Bale Batman, but I think we can all agree that Bale's Batman voice is fucking ridiculous. Just terrible and far too over the top. No matter how people feel about the films as a whole, this is something we all agree on. The voice is stupid. We accept it. It's part of that universe and part of that Batman and we just sort of chuckle and let it slide, because whatever.

But at one point or another, every person who has seen these movies has mocked that voice. You were with your friends or you were sitting in your car where no one could hear you or you were watching with your girlfriend and got off the couch to go make popcorn and you did the voice. I did it this morning when I was thinking about writing this part. I'm thinking it right now. You will be, too.

WHERE IS HE?!

WHERE ARE THEY?!

WHERE IS IT?!

See. Just ask a question and, bam, Batman voice.

These films are serious business. Sure there are jokes and quips and some comedic relief, but for the most part, this is crime and murder and death and revenge and serious shit that doesn't afford the light-hearted tone of a lot of the Marvel fare. Which is OK. It works in this universe, and it works for Batman. So because there's a serious tone prevalent in these films, no one's going to crack wise about Batman's voice. And if Jim Gordon doesn't think it's weird, neither does anyone else. There's always something more important than that, and it's never brought up and we never question it and life goes on (for some characters) and that's that.

Moving out of Gotham, though, out of that particular setting where life is all grim and resolute, and bringing Batman out into the world, also brings him into a world where jokes exist and life is amusing and there's color and sometimes the sun shines. Out in something that looks and feels and acts more like our own world and less like Gotham, we start to lose our sense of forgiveness. The less it looks and feels like Gotham and the more it looks and feels like the world we know, the less we think like Gotham and the more we think like the world we know. And in the world we know, we give Batman shit for talking like a buffoon.

I've imagined this scene in a JLA movie where the Big Three are meeting up for the first time. Superman has convinced both Wonder Woman and Batman to join forces, and he's bringing them together before getting the rest of the team. So there's this awesome moment where we see all three of them together on screen for the first time, and I'm not even a huge DC fan, but that almost gives me a boner. This is some serious nerd porn we're talking about. Superman introduces the two of them, and Batman... it doesn't even matter what he says. He speaks in that stupid fucking voice, Wonder Woman stares blankly at him for a moment, turns to Superman and gives him a look like he's the stupid one for hiring the freak show, and walks away without a word. Because no one can take that voice seriously.

Take a moment to think about that not so great Green Lantern movie that came out. Now so far there's been no mention of this, in point of fact WB seems to take great care to pretend like that movie never happened. It's the horrid step-child of their DC movie universe, and come time for a JLA movie, it might be ignored entirely. Regardless, if you've seen that movie, you know a little bit about Hal Jordan. And if there's going to be a Justice League movie, it's going to have Hal Jordan in it. So even if we tone done Ryan Reynolds' performance to half the smart ass quips and wit of that movie, it is still guaranteed that Hal Jordan, at some point, will make fun of Batman's voice. And if he doesn't, The Flash will. In a Justice League movie, one or both of those characters are going to be the wise-cracking comic relief, and there's just no believable scenario that puts Batman with one of them and they don't take a shot at him.

Which might not seem like a big deal, I suppose. It could be passed off as just a joke and we all move on, but it does bring to question Batman's credibility. Here's a dude that takes himself far too seriously, anyway, and he doesn't even realize that he sounds like an insane hobo. He's so delusional that he doesn't see how over the top he is. He's not self-aware enough to see how ridiculous he is, so what else is he missing out on?

In the Batman films, he's both spoken to himself and to people who know his identity, using the  Batman voice. One would assume he uses it to help disguise his real identity, but even when speaking to people who know, he uses it. It's almost a literal alter ego, like, he has multiple personalities. Which makes him insane. At this point, the Justice League is inviting a certifiable, delusional nutcase into their midst and trusting him with the fate of the world.

And this isn't just about the voice. The voice is just a simple representation of what Nolan created with his Gotham universe. Because once The Flash or Green Lantern turns to Batman and makes a quip about how ridiculous he sounds, it brings attention to the fact that Batman is kinda weird and fucked up. It points out that he's a man out of place, and that the world he came from, the world where no one had the balls to call him out on the Batvoice, is not the same one he's in now. That the world Nolan created just does not work with other heroes. That outside of Gotham, the seriousness and relentless realism just can't hold together.

Regardless of how it's presented, the moment Superman shows up, Nolan's Gotham is broken. The world created in Nolan's Batman films does not allow for something as ludicrous as an alien with superpowers. Those movies were created in a careful and precise manner so as to avoid all such comic book nonsense. All the villains were chosen and crafted so as to appear believable. Bane is strong, but he's not "super" strong. Scarecrow, Joker, Two-Face, Ra's al Ghul... all of these men, while villainous, carry out their intentions within the stated confines of the real world. The events that unfold are fantastic and expounded for dramatic effect, but the personas, the actual people involved, and the acts committed, are still human and still believable. There is a logical explanation for each man and each action. Some of it is a stretch on reality, but it's still plausible. We're not dealing with real super powers or magic or space or any of that nonsense. The whole thing is like Nolan's special little science fair project. All of it is labeled and quantified and explained. That world is held together by science and math and it makes sense and that's part of its charm. Nolan never asks us to take a huge leap of faith.

But Superman is fucking Jesus. Introducing Superman to Batman's world is like shoving religion into a science text book and calling them equal. There is no logical explanation. There's nothing that can be quantified or calculated to explain a man that is impervious to bullets. Batman's armor couldn't even fend off dogs, for Christ's sake, and here's a dude that could shrug off a tank shell. The careful and precise nature with which Nolan crafted Gotham just does not work in a world of real superheroes. Green Lantern, Flash, Wonder Woman, Aquaman.... all characters with legitimate super powers and fantastical, nonsense origins. There's nothing that makes a merman from Atlantis fit within the same context as Bale's Batman.

Man of Steel has been getting great reviews from the preview footage people have seen so far. All the stuff I've read has said it's going to be the big superhero movie of the summer. And Nolan produced that, just like he might be producing the other DC films and the JLA project. So there is a chance that this all works out fine. I haven't liked all of Nolan's films, but I think he's a smart and competent filmmaker who is aware enough (unlike that Batman he created) to know when and where to let go of that realism. I think he could give us a fine and riveting DC movie universe. If he (and the studio) are willing to make allowances and concede, in some regards, that these are superhero movies and some things are just going to have to be ridiculous.

One of those concessions will have to be casting a new Batman. I hate suggesting it, because in general I'm not a fan of casting changes... but there just isn't an another option. Bringing Christian Bale back as Batman means bringing his Batman and the world Nolan created along with him. It's just impossible to sever those ties. The dude has baggage. And that baggage will drag down what could be an otherwise amazing mash-up of superheroes, drowning it in the doom and gloom of Gotham instead of the brighter, more hopeful pastures of the world outside.